


Walking Corpse

by soshaku



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Domestic, Future Fic, Infidelity, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Drinking, you can see adosou in the distance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-01-26 21:33:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 32,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12566672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soshaku/pseuds/soshaku
Summary: Set to look at how you bounce back from losing the love of your life. Characters, rating, and relationships to be added as it progresses.Ch. 11 - “I’m just living on borrowed time.”Ch. 12 - Why is the future without you so overwhelming.Ch. 13 - All bark, no bite





	1. Chapter 1

“Oya? Why are you invading on my napping space, Tenshouin.”

“Your space? Excuse me, this is where we hold the Tea Club meetings every week. Shouldn’t Ricchan have told his precious brother?”

“Do not sully my lovely brother’s name with an abhorrent nickname you crass child,” Sakuma rolls further under the table he was napping near on the school ground’s garden terrace.

“A child you say?” Tenshouin snickers and sets down the tea ware, “I am not the one pretending vampire but napping under the sun.”

“You play at no longer being a tyrant,” Sakuma sits up, “Yet you are still cruel as ever. Forgive me for intruding into the emperor’s territory. Some time’s one must rest among such natural beauty to reinvigorate their love for mankind.”

“As usual I can’t understand what this monster is saying,” the president sings to no one. “Care to join me for a cup of tea before the other members arrive?”

“If two warring nations can break bread amicably, then so can two opposing rulers.”

“Is that a yes, my dear friend?” That devilish smile already knowing the answer.

After resigning himself to ending his under the table nap, Sakuma stands and gracefully bows before taking a seat and a cup, “And what shall we share today, my equally dear friend?” Before taking a sip and reacting with a ghostly face.

“It’s a black tea with ginger and orange peel.”

“You surely know how to piss me off Tenshouin. Like you knew you would be having tea with me today.”

“What unsightly language for a grandfather! It’s good for you, the ginger is meant to wake you up. And as an idol it is wonderful for your throat.” Dropping a single sugar cube into Sakuma’s tea for him, “But truly, I did know you would be here. Isara-kun was muttering about it the other day. I did wish to speak with you alone after all.”

“A cruel and scheming tyrant you still are, then. What terrifying monster do you want me to play for you next endeavor then?”

A sip of his tea and a laugh dances on those pale lips, “Not so, my friend. I was thinking about how we shall be finally graduating soon from our beloved academy.”

“And you wish to be my rival in the real world?”

“No, but we do have a common interest.” Another sip taken for tension’s sake, “Keito.”

Putting his cup down, Sakuma eyes Tenshouin, knowing never to trust him again after last year. “And what do you want to do to him now?”

“Come now Sakuma, we put our differences aside. We’re best childhood friends once more.”

“Yes, don’t remind me.”

“But, I am worried about him. It’s common knowledge that I won’t live to see my grandchild, let alone even an heir. Keito knows this, he’s been preparing his entire life.”

“I simply cannot wait.”

Ignoring the jab, Tenshouin continues, “We’re all ready for me to die; however, I am quite perplexed. I don’t believe Keito knows what to do after. You know, he keeps telling me he’ll be ok but allow me to be selfish and say I don’t believe him.”

“Then why are you speaking to me and not Hasumi-kun?”

“Who else has known him as long as I? Ignoring your previous unit, I am somewhat aware of your own ‘childhood friendship’ as they say. I’m not keenly fond of his brother, but I hope I could ask someone like you could keep an eye on him. Besides, you are the only one besides I and his unit he doesn’t curse at.”

“And you don’t expect Akatsuki to stay together?”

“Quite the opposite. But Kuro-kun and Kanzaki-kun do not deal in death like the three of us.”

“And how am I expected to know when our precious emperor finally bids this world adieu?”

“Oh Sakuma-kun,” another sip of tea, “Do you expect me to go quietly into the night? You understand my idol prowess will expand as far as I can take it. There’s no where you can travel where you will not hear Eichi Tenshouin’s name.”

“As arrogant as ever, even facing death himself,” covering his mouth to stifle his own laugh Sakuma retort, “then you can expect to see Undead in the dark corners you try to hide in, waiting. I want to see something gaudy announcing your passing- maybe an ominous smoke signal?”

“If Keito has his way he said he’d build me a pyramid. Well, who knows how a monk would accomplish that.”

“If it’s Hasumi-kun, we both know he’ll do anything in his power.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tenshouin Eichi reminds you to set up your advance directives kiddos.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Years past graduation, things are never easy. Not for individuals, not for every unit that maintained their bonds.

“SOIYA SOIYA SOIYA”

The performance ends and the three entertainers take their bow. Deep red curtains enshroud the small stage, Akatsuki has finished another stage. Six years post the graduation of their younger member, the close-knit family had stayed together and true to their image that was established in the unit’s youth. Kuro and Kanzaki take their bow while Hasumi moves to stand, bringing his shamisen with him. It was a small arthouse, regularly hosting galleries, installation pieces, and interactive shows, that Akatsuki found their home, still allowing them to explore their period tastes.

Stepping down off the stage, they are allowed to enjoy the crowd here for them and the gallery, some benefits of being allowed to be featured as a performance piece rather than an idol show. Bohemians and art snobs litter the hall, but a black figure stands out.

“Sakuma-san, what brings you here?”

“Ah forgive me, I was hoping not to distract you,” he responds to Hasumi, “We are playing nearby and I found a bit of time before tech rehearsal.”

“I’m glad you managed to keep Undead together, I hear a bit from Otogari and Kanzaki but I was not aware of your show tonight,” tucking crossed arms under kimono sleeves, the characteristic stern look Hasumi Keito always wore in high school has lessened over the years.

“Any of our school comrades have an open invite, but I was told you have another performance tonight. Did Kanzaki not pass forth the flyer?”

Looking around for the responsible party to blame, only seeing him with a crowd of admirers, “You know he’s still as airheaded as ever. Please forgive me but I do not think we will-“

“Ossu! Sakuma!” A fiery red head slings an arm around Hasumi’s shoulder pulling him in, “Glad to see you so soon! ‘Lil sis has been bellowing for Oogami’s goods again. Did ya bring me anything?”

“Of course Kiryuu-san,” Sakuma bows his head, “Thank her for her support as always. I left it with the staff to get to you.”

“C’mon let me buy you a drink in return, I was told we got some new whisky my bartender was stashing for me-“

“Kiryuu! We have another song in an hour! I don’t need your words to be slurred.”

“Oi danna, don’t worry about me, a real man can hold his alcohol.”

“I don’t know what that says about-“

Kuro cut off this time by Sakuma, “I would love to have a raucous party with you two, but unfortunately our rehearsal starts soon.” Another bow of his head, Sakuma moves to make his leave, “Please forgive me, I am glad I was able to reunite briefly. Until next time, my friends.” Before Kuro can argue with him, Sakuma disappears through the mingling crowd.

* * *

“OIIII!!!!” That black beat up door is kicked open by someone loud as they are agitated. “What was that performance shitty playboy!” Oogami barks, throwing his jacket onto a chair in the green room, three others following behind him. “And you too Adonis! What the hell, stop taking lessons from this asshole!”

“Oogami, calm down. We sold out again, what is the problem?” Otogari wiping the sweat from his forehead with his previously removed top, small venues always seem to get hotter than any other hall, even in autumn weather.

“What’s the problem!? We’re a rock band!! Not shitty idols here for fan service! Put your shirts back on you two idiots! There’s no girls here!”

“Don’t remind me,” Hakaze retorts while drinking as much water as he could, “I’m not shirtless for you doggie, it’s hot as hell.”

Oogami let out a defeated groan, slumping in the chair in front of the dress table. “See!” Hakaze retorts, “finally someone with their head on their shoulders in this group~”

Sakuma pats his downtrodden on his shoulder, after finishing changing into streetwear, “Come now Koga, walk me home? It’s late.”

“Yeah yeah sure,” Oogami mutters under his breath. “Let me change and we’ll get out of here.”

“Do you two have plans tonight?” Sakuma turns to Otogari and Hakaze, who were also mid-changing.

Muffled response as Otogari pulls his sweater over his head, “My sisters are cooking dinner for me and-“

“And I’m dying for a home cooked meal,” Hakaze interjected.

“That’s not all your dying for.”

“What was that doggie? Speak clearly.”

“Ugh, let’s go Rei, get your shit,” Oogami grabs Sakuma by the wrist, dragging him out the back door.

* * *

Stomping down an alley, the silver hair, still self-proclaimed wolf is still agitated with their show. Undead was on top of the idol world at their high school academy; however, their edgy aesthetic hadn’t transferred easily to that rock world the four wanted to take on. The girls that made up their crowds at school grew up and stopped coming to their shows in favor of jobs. “You know we could do more if those two played instruments!” Oogami yelled to no one.

“Ah but Adonis-“

Oogami cuts off Sakuma, “The ocarina isn’t rock and roll Rei,” and more quietly, “even if it is a great sound. Anyways!! We should teach Adonis drums, he’d be great!”

Sakuma chuckled to himself, they have this conversation at least once a month, “Of course I don’t disagree with you. But what about Kaoru-kun?”

Oogami groans once again in frustration, scratching the back of his head, “That idiot can play the triangle for all I care.” Rounding a corner from the darker alley to the brightened 5-way cross walk, illuminated by boutique signs and large led screens on towering buildings, flashing different advertisements.

“That’s very rock and roll, Koga.” Sakuma laughs to himself, waiting at the cross walk with his back to the screens and lights.

“I know, fuck. We need to do something!” Oogami turns and shouts at his companion, “We only got one album out. We need to get more damn work. Less shitty playboy lookin’ shoots.”

“Yes, I understand my dear friend, but it’s as they say, right? Appeal sells? No… that’s not right, what was it…?”

“Oi, Rei.”

“Oh maybe it was something about beauty…“

“Oi, REI!” Oogami yells, grabbing his friend lost in thought for a second time this evening, trying to get his attention. With a ‘hm’ he finally meets Oogami’s eyes, who aren’t looking at him at all. His attention is caught above Sakuma’s head, and his only a bit slack-jawed, when a ‘holy shit,’ escapes under his breath.

“Ah what is it? Some inspiration finally hit you or?”

And when Sakuma turns to follow Oogami’s line of sight he sees it, on one of the big screens plastered on a side of a retail building.

Tenshouin Eichi, 25, collapsed in the middle of yet another sold out show. He had already been in route to a hospital when it happened.

It’s a side effect of being one of the most popular artists of this decade, even in death there is no privacy.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah i have too much fun writing people interacting, but i wanted to set up more plot before getting to the meat of the story you know? i'm sorry to do something cliched- killing eichi yet again- but I think it leads to a lot of interesting choices for many people in the world. i hope you don't mind my interpretation of the future of our beloved idols. i try to approach the world in a realistic manor, so i think it will reflect in this story.  
> whoops i wrote a lot, i just really love all these idiots.  
> also i hope you can figure out where the last bit takes place if you've been to tokyo. i like to think koga and rei were coming out of basketball street... ill never stop laughing about the name change.


	3. Chapter 3

That black mass kept thrashing under covers. Sakuma, ever thankful for those black out curtains bought so many years ago, still can’t sleep.

Of course, it was 3 in the afternoon.

This is really terrible, he thought while pulling the covers off from around his face and staring at the ceiling. It’s been a few months since he finally graduated, and it was just him and Hakaze now. Not that there were any problems with his dear friend… but he desperately missed all of his other dear friends now in their senior year. His writing stagnated without having Oogami to bounce lyrics off of or the twins around to make him smile. It was better not to bother Oogami and Otogari, the duo Undead were constantly doing lives at school to make grades and learn live management. Of course, any opportunity to attend a show and support his friends was taken, but the days, weeks, months in between seemed to just draw on. He could only complain to his precious brother so much, especially when he was barely at home too.

Sitting up briefly to peak under those dark curtains he could see it was autumn now, a visible chill in the air. Sakuma and Hakaze had gotten job offers, appeared on variety shows, done editorial shoots- but their live shows were lacking without the energy of their two youngest members. It was ok though, Sakuma told himself, Hakaze can keep modeling and doing those surfing ads, he’s still getting his paycheck. Mom is used to him sleeping constantly anyways, so there was no time to nag about getting work.

Digging back under those soft covers to continue hiding from the world a shuffling could be heard outside in the hallway.

“Ritsu, come comfort your loving brother,” Sakuma called out, “I feel more sad than usual today.” Not even paying much attention to his calendar of events, forgetting that Knights had another live after school today, meaning it was absolutely not his Ritsu.

The door handle clicked and a brusque, ‘Please excuse me’ and a familiar yet not recently spoken voice was heard. Rather than waking to meet it, Sakuma shuffled under the covers further.

A desk chair was pulled out next to his bed and a few minutes of silence before the covers were thrown defiantly off the bed and off Sakuma Rei.

“Wake up you idiot. Open your eyes.”

“Oya… Hasumi-kun why are you here.”

Sighing a small bit of relief but most exasperation, Hasumi Keito took the seat in front of Sakuma’s bed he had set up. “Your mother let me in. She told me you’d be up here hiding away.”

“I’m not hiding, I was perusing my earthly rest,” Sakuma responded, rolling over to face his long-time friend, short-time rival.

Muttering and adjusting his glasses in annoyance, “Don’t be incorrigible. It’s just me, drop the act. We’re both adults now so you don’t have the right to act like my grandfather anymore.”

Choosing not to respond to those digging words, “Why are you here Hasumi-kun. Don’t you have work today? Akatsuki is going to fall apart without their persistent leader.”

“Don’t patronize me you brat. People are worried about you.” A muffled sound of something akin to ‘they shouldn’t’ comes from the face buried in a pillow. Hasumi continues, “Kanzaki still comes to practice with us regularly, Otogari sometimes too. He’s really concerned about his friend you know.”

“Adonis is always worried about everything-“

“So, I contacted Oogami,” ignoring the interjection, “Even he’s worried about you. That should say something, considering.”

Considering a small part of him hates me, Sakuma thought. “It’s so nice of you Vice President, so still be worried about our school’s precious children.”

“Don’t put on airs, it’s unbecoming of you,” Hasumi manages to pull the pillow Sakuma was burying his face in from between his arms. Tossing it on the ground to meet the comforter. “Have you been writing any music at all? Even playing your violin?” Sakuma shakes his head in response. “And why not? You should have signed some big record deal by now I’m sure. Your ‘precious children’ as you say, will be joining you soon. Shouldn’t you go to meet them with pages of lyrics?”

“I should, shouldn’t I?” Sakuma responds with downcast eyes. Not that Hasumi and Sakuma were not still friends, especially after resolving their issues after the repayment festival last year; yet, Sakuma had done a wonderful job of becoming even more of a ‘vampire’ as he claimed, barely going out in the daylight let alone to meet up with friends. Yet, he didn’t finish that train of thought.

That plain expression Hasumi always wore softened just a bit, as he reached out to brush some unkempt hair out of Sakuma’s face, and continuing to assuredly pat him on the head. “it’s hard. It’s not like Kiryuu or I have had it easy either. Things don’t come as easily when you’re not doing it for a grade.” Hasumi moves to sit on the bed with his down-trodden friend.

“Yeah, we can’t all be Tenshouin,” a snarky response, but Sakuma moves closer, still refusing to sit up, but meeting his friends hand to continue the comforting head rub.

“That was uncalled for Rei.”

“I know Keito.”

“Are you jealous?” If they were still in school it would have been a more malicious question, “Are you wanting to be a pop idol now? I’m sure you could do it, with those good looks.”

“Don’t patronize me boy. I’m still incredibly frustrated,” casting a look to his shelf with his records he draws for inspiration, “we decided to stay in the rock world. Life is easier when you have ethereal beauty and vast wealth.”

“I don’t disagree with that,” Hasumi muses, tucking Sakuma’s hair behind his ear. Pulling up both hands to fold and rest his chin on. “It’s his dream, he was going to accomplish this one way or another.”

“I’m tired of seeing his face on TV. Every talk show my mother watches, he’s there. Ritsu is always bragging about him.” Sitting up now to match his friend on the edge of the bed, one unkept and in pajamas, the other in some awkwardly stylish daily wear. “Do something about your shitty boyfriend.”

“H-hey…” a startled and slightly pink Hasumi breaks his pose and turns to Sakuma, “It’s not like that!”

“Hmm it’s not huh, especially with how famous your boyfriend is now huh~” he teases while poking at the other’s cheek.

“I’m glad this is what makes you feel better then. Well, we don’t see much of each other right now, his schedule is so busy. It would be a scandal too if…” moving to remove his glasses in an attempt to not make eye contact, “Ah look at me, I didn’t come here to complain.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Sakuma grips the edge of his bed and stretches his legs out, “You wasted your time coming here. I’m fine.”

“Yes, so it seems,” Hasumi places a hand on Sakuma’s shoulder, “Why don’t you come over with your violin and we’ll play together some time. Kiryuu has me practicing the shamisen again, he wants to use it in some songs we’ve wrote.”

“Ahhh Hasumi playing the shamisen again! What year is this! I’d be privileged to enjoy that again. Shouldn’t I play the koto instead then?”

“You’re utterly incorrigible,” Hasumi stands and turns to his friend, “If I don’t see you next week, I’ll drag you out of bed myself.”

* * *

“Oi Rei, are you in there,” Oogami calls. Rather than heading to his own place, he followed Sakuma back to his apartment after last train. Watching his leader fumble with his phone on the silent subway ride, but not making much in the way of conversation. Oogami himself had particularly been reading twitter and the news over and over again, trying to confirm what happened really hadn’t. The four of them spend enough time at each other’s places that they have their own keys (well, excluding a key to Hakaze’s apartment,) Oogami had unlocked the door for Sakuma while he attempted to put together a text. Not even bothering to turn on the light in his own living room, Sakuma moved to plant himself on one of the cushions in front of the table.

Oogami sounded a little defeated in response to the mindless motions, but adrenaline keeping him awake now. Snapping on the light to the small room, he moved past his seated friend to the equally small kitchen to pull out some cups and quickly brew some tea.

“Here,” he places it in front of Sakuma after a few moments of preparation, taking the seat opposite to him.

Finally breaking concentration, “Oh, Koga, what are you doing here?”

“Are you kidding me!” he barks, “I let you into your own place idiot!”

“Ah… excuse me,” he moves to drink the tea, “you made my favorite, thank you~”

“Shut up. Who you texting? Glasses?”

A silence follows with some uncomfortable shifting before Sakuma offers an explanation, “No… I was trying to get ahold of Kiryuu-san and Hibiki. I really hate touch screens you know? I finally had gotten used to a number pad for sns…” he trails off as he returns to trying to send messages.

Cross brows lessen just a bit, “There’s nothing we can do anyways! What, do you want to go to the funeral?” Oogami laughs, “I think a had a bet with some of my juniors for when that shitty tyrant would finally kick it, I should text them,” pulling out his phone he sees some messages from Otogari: _sorry wont be comin home 2nite, staying w souma_ “Do you want me to stay here? Last train’s already gone, Adonis is staying with Kanzaki tonight.” Silence. “Oi, Rei.”

“Sorry, were you talking?”

“I’m staying here tonight.”

“Ah what about Adonis?”

“Staying with Kanzaki.”

“That’s good…” trailing off again before returning to fumbling with his phone.

Oogami sighs again, and goes to rummage in one of the bins in Sakuma’s room. Pulling out pajamas for both him and leader. Changing and throwing his outfit into the laundry hamper for the morning, he comes back to the front room and tosses some linen pants, landing on Sakuma’s head. “Get into something more comfortable. Stop texting, help me make something to eat.”

“Sure…” Sakuma quietly murmurs while finally placing his phone down and unceremoniously stripping and tossing his worn clothes on the floor.

So fuckin messy, I’ll have to clean tomorrow, Oogami thinks while opening the small refrigerator and finding something that could be cooked. Sakuma puttered around, moving some pans off the single burner. “What are you so concerned about Rei? It’s really not our problem you know, we’re not in Yumenosaki anymore.”

Resigning himself to having to offer an explanation, Sakuma fumbles through a cabinet trying to pull out the rice maker. “Before I graduated from that place… Tenshouin asked me to meet with him.”

“What’d that fucker want with ya.”

“Don’t speak ill of the dead Koga,” Sakuma mutters, “without much ceremony he asked me to look after Hasumi. After he finally passed.”

“Aughhh what the hell is that!” Oogami snarls while cracking an egg into the pan, “Shitty glasses is an adult. He can look after himself. You got better things to worry about.”

“Oya, and what you do if I left this plane?”

“Write some shitty song about how I’m finally free to do what the hell I want!”

"Well, not everyone is as uncaring as you Koga.”

“Oi! I care plenty! I don’t want you gettin’ wrapped up in that bullshit again!”

“Yes, you do care,” Sakuma muses while patting his friend on his head, “He practically devoted his life to Tenshouin. I must admit I am quite worried.”

“Yeah and where did that fuckin’ leave you,” pointing the spatula as menacingly as one could. Silence befalls the small apartment, speckled with the melody of crackling oil from the frying eggs. Obviously, a sore spot. “So, what,” Oogami breaks the tension, “You gonna go to the funeral for moral support?”

Sakuma shakes his head, “That is probably not a good idea. I believe Hasumi is meant to lead the procession.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has underage drinking, and future chapters will only be worse. i've done my best to tag for triggering content, but i apologize for the hassle.

“Iiiiyahhh what a great practice today danna!” Kiryuu stretches, popping some joints in the process.

Sakuma chuckles quietly, “Hasumi-kun didn’t do anything, you’re the one did all the work.”

“Yeah, but without his music how could I hammer out the dances!”

Hasumi sheepishly responds, “no need to thank me, we’re a unit after all.”

Kiryuu takes his sitting friend around the shoulder, affectionately trying to wrestle him, “Thanks to this studious kid, we got a performance finally. How great is that Sakuma-san!”

“Truly great, Kiryuu-san,” Sakuma smiles softly as he stands to pack up his violin. It’s been three weeks now since Hasumi had forced Sakuma to leave his bed and join him and Kiryuu in practices. Not to aide Akatsuki, but to at least keep the creativity flowing. “We should celebrate this joyous occasion.”

“Sakuma, you forget this is a temple,” Hasumi scoffs, going to put away his instrument as well, “We don’t exactly have a lot of sweets or drinks.”

“How true you are, why don’t you prepare us somewhere we can commemorate the occasion and not disturb the other tenants? Kiryuu-san can walk this aging fool to the convenience store, ensure I won’t get lost if you don’t mind.”

“Only if you’re paying Sakuma-san! I got work late tonight but let’s be rowdy kids again for a bit.” Making towards the doorway out of the empty and removed storage shed they use for practice at the Hasumi’s family temple, Kiryuu beckons Sakuma to join him to the quick excursion down the temple walkway.

“We’ll be back, excuse us~” Sakuma sings to Hasumi before he has a chance to react. Normally he would scold the two for goofing off, but there are no tests to study for anymore. A small smile allowed to grace Hasumi’s face as he resigned himself to the impromptu party for three.

The unlikely duo made their way down a bath that surely didn’t belong in this neighborhood, feeling like it’s only slightly out of place in the current age. Lit by lamp posts, one can feel the air changing to the winter from autumn, warm breathes dancing the air with condensation. Kiryuu drives his hands into his leather jacket in an effort to keep the cold out, while Sakuma looks around absent mindedly, mind reaching for a common topic to speak on.

“’ey Sakuma-san, I’m glad you started comin’ over,” Kiryuu is the first one to fill the silence, “It’s fun ‘n all with danna, but having more than two is good for bouncin’ ideas. At least, until Kanzaki can join us in a month or so. Danna’s been smilin’ a lot more, too.”

“Oya, what’s this? He wasn’t his usual cheery self before?”

“Hey you laugh, but danna’s not been his usual self lately. After Tenshouin-san went and signed that big contract. It’s been hard to see each other I guess. Ah, that’s why I don’t date,” Kiryuu sheepishly scratches the back of his head, “too much damn trouble to be sad all the time.”

“I guess it’s hard dating someone so famous,” Sakuma muses through pursed lips.

“Yeah well, I’m not so great at advice,” Kiryuu offers, “a distraction is good, right? Well danna can’t escape it, you turn on the tv and Tenshouin is there. Talk show, music show, advertisements…”

An affirmative _hm_ is murmured by the other, as the dinging with the sliding doors welcomes them to the convenience store. It’s true, Tenshouin Eichi is everywhere, decorating at least three of the outward facing magazine covers. It hadn’t been a full year since graduation yet, but he had already managed to accomplish so much in so little time. Model, actor, singer, all on his own, bringing smiles to those who witnessed his angelic presence. All the while, his fated one cheered him on quietly while struggling to accomplish his dream as well. Reality is not so kind, having to keep rumors and scandals away for as long as possible, to allow Tenshouin to enjoy his time for as long as possible.             

Not that Sakuma cared that much- at least that’s what he tried to remind himself. Well, almost all the kids in their graduating class probably felt the same. The only people who reached the same kind of fame as Tenshouin was the graduating Knights members. It didn’t help that Tsukinaga often wrote for Tenshouin. At least he knows his brother will do well when he graduates soon, not that he could say the same for his unit mates. _I don’t want to think about it_ , crosses his mind as he goes to the drinks. Allowing Kiryuu to choose the unhealthiest snacks he could, Sakuma chose a multiple pack of Safforo, moving to get rang up before the other could argue with him.

“Hey Sakuma-san you trying to get us in trouble?” Kiryuu greeting his friend’s decision when he meets him outside the store with two bags full of high caloric snacks.

“Nonsense, I’m of age, I got held back remember?”

“Yeah but we didn’t. Danna’s too stuffy to let loose like that, but I’ll help you out my friend,” the red head elbows his compatriot while laughing. Being an ex-delinquent means he’s had a lot of first experiences before some of his other friends.

“Hmm but if his brother catches us, tell him it’s all for me.”

“Of course!”  Kiryuu laughs again, having to deal with the Hasumi family for well over a year now he’s become aware of the comings and goings of Hasumi’s older brother.

The pair climbed those steps again, prodding at each other and using it as an opportunity to forget the worries for a night. Yumenosaki graduation was soon, and it was new worries their juniors would bring if they really did want to join them trying to succeed as unlikely idols.

Hasumi greeted them with a wave, standing under one of the lanterns, having changed into his sleeping clothes since it was already dark out, a yukata and haori for warmth.

“You goin’ to sleep on us danna?” Kiryuu teases as the ascended the small steps to the porch.

“It’s my home!” Hasumi argues, taking one of the bags from Kiryuu, “I wanted to be comfortable. You’re welcome to borrow some. Let’s just eat in my room.”

“Hey as long as ya family don’t mind us being noisy at night!” Responding and following Hasumi down the walkway, an often tread path for Kiryuu. Sakuma quietly bringing up the rear.

“Brother’s off for some training down south,” sliding the door to his room open, “we have this wing to ourselves for once.” Mostly barren room with a small kotatsu in the middle, the two book shelves he allowed in his space were filled with books.

“Yeah let’s be loud as hell!” Kiryuu calls to no one, setting his purchases down next to the bag Hasumi already placed on the table.

Sakuma enters the room and closes the door, placing the carton of cold beers he purchased next to the snacks, “Let us partake a celebration for the two hard workers~” he sings while going to sit on one of the cushions laid out.

“Sakuma Rei. What exactly do you think you are doing.”

“Well, as I remember I was asked to celebrate with you and Kir-“

“Shut up. Why did you buy alcohol. We’re underage.” He states as sternly as possible, bringing his vice president persona out of retirement for the moment.

“Danna!” Kiryuu takes his friend under his arm again, “Live a little would ya, we’ll be 20 soon anyways. We’re in your home, nothing’ll go wrong. Here,” he fumbles through one of the bags, “I got your favorite dried squid,” before shoving it directly into Hasumi’s face. Snatching the bag from Kiryuu’s hands so he could see, but mostly so he could tear into it, Hasumi huffs and eats a few.

“Here, they’re still cold thankfully,” Sakuma passes one to Kiryuu, “Take one too Hasumi, if it’s so bad don’t force yourself. But, let’s cheer to good fortune for your unit, shall we?”

Begrudgingly he pops open the can along with the other two, “what do we cheer then. It’s not just Akatsuki here tonight.”

“What about,” Kiryuu murmurs, “To the future?”

“I like it,” Sakuma smiles, and gestures his can towards the center of the group, “to the future!” 

* * *

 

 _The future is fucking garbage,_ Kiryuu thinks, slumped at his desk in his house shared with his sister. Overlooking the schedule of shows Akatsuki was supposed to perform, _Fuckin’ cancelled now,_ scratching out one show after another. Kanzaki had been there with him earlier in the evening, eating with Kiryuu and his sister and generally providing company until Otogari had come to pick up his friend. Thankful to his sister for keeping the place intact for cleanup so Kiryuu could focus on the managing work that need to be done.

It had already been two weeks since the funeral for the heir of the Tenshouin Conglomerate. Rather than attending himself, he simply aided his friend and boss when needed. I’m not good at this shit, being Kiryuu’s usual explanation. Too many familiar faces being tear stained, stress crossing friend’s expressions. If there is one thing Kiryuu Kuro has learned in his 27 years of life, it’s that people must mourn at their own pace. That is the peace of mind he could offer his closest friends. If it means Hasumi wants to be left alone and Kanzaki coming over every other night, then so be it. And if Sakuma wants to text him every night, then so be it.

Of course, the texts always read the same: lots of autocorrect errors and asking after Hasumi. _I don’t know how it’s going to be,_ Kiryuu thinks over and over again, _but if it keeps up I’m going to have to get another part time job. Lil’ sis has gotta stay in school…_ Moving to the fridge to pull out some whiskey from the cabinet above it, he pours a bit into a glass. “I wish I could watch some fuckin’ tv,” he complains to no one and not finishing the sentence aloud, ‘ _cause I’ll have to see Tenshouin’s funeral procession yet again._ How the hell did he even manage to get so famous in those years, all those girls crying about him. _Too bad he’d never give ‘em the time of day,_ he laughs quietly. Bringing a hand to his forehead, his thoughts only managed to cause him some discomfort yet again. Hasumi’s devotion to Tenshouin is somewhat understood to Kiryuu, but still a sore point within the group Akatsuki. At least the unconditional love is a concept Kiryuu could understand. Hoping and praying was all Kiryuu could do now, since it had been over a week ago that Hasumi had slammed the door to his room shut in his face, asking to be left alone until he contacted him again.

Left to his thoughts, Kiryuu attempted to enjoy his pour while staring out into the small amount of greenery his mother’s house had been allowed. It took years to move on from her death, and he could only hope it wouldn’t be the same for someone who meant too much to him. His worrisome thoughts broken by a familiar buzzing of his phone, as the older Sakuma’s name flashed the screen. The message would be the same, he acknowledges. Have you heard from Hasumi today? But some unfamiliar words followed: _maybe I should go over there._

“That’s a bad fuckin’ idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boy howdy do i love to suffer.  
> i've experienced a lot of death like a certain favorite boy here, so i hope you don't mind me writing as realistically as i do from my own experiences with mourning. it's probably why im so drawn to enstars cause all these kids are fucked up lol. i dunno how to tag things properly! i hope its ok, theres lots of issues these kids gotta work out. tenshouin and hasumi loved each other a lot but... it was loved. sorry for your loss hasumi. it was inevitable.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short and definitely not sweet r18

“Hasumi-chan?!” A bellowing laugh rocks the room the three are celebrating in, “what a cute nickname danna, maybe I should be calling you that?”

“Absolutely not Kiryuu. Never,” Taking another gulp of his fourth can, “Ever.”

“Ah Hasumi-chan~” Sakuma peters, a flushed face from embarrassment and intoxication, “He was the brattiest brat I ever met, and Ritsu is my brother.”

“Tell me more!” Kiryuu, holding his alcohol better than the other two, but still obnoxiously loud. Reclining back on the tatami mat and supporting his weight with one arm, “I need more blackmail so I can put Hasumi-chan in some cuter outfits~”

“KIRYUU!”

“You see, he’d always try to one up me~” Sakuma hums, “showing up all hours of the day trying to argue some worldly subject he knew nothing about you.”

“You… you were only a year older than me!”

“Am, a year older,” Sakuma corrects.

“Incorrigible,” could be heard before another gulp is taken.

“He left me, you see Kiryuu-san, maybe I didn’t treat him well, but it was some of the most fun I had in my youth. Instead he ran off for Tenshouin. Let an old man reminisce would you, Ha-su-mi-chan?” A raised eyebrow in anger can be seen over the can as Hasumi finishes it off. Tossed aside, a new can replaces it rather than the owner uttering a response.

Kiryuu stretches out under the warm table as he idly checks his phone, “Shit,” he murmurs while turning to Hasumi, “Danna I gotta take off, last trains gonna come through in a bit.”

“You should,” Hasumi pauses while looking around somewhat drearily, “stay the night. Especially. After you drank.”

“Nah, I got work in the mornin’. I’m ok though, ain’t my first time cheerin’ the night,” Kiryuu stands and gathers his belongings. Placing a hand on his leader’s head and ruffling his hair like an older brother would, “What about you Sakuma? We go the same way, right?”

“Ah maybe not a good idea my dear friend,” Sakuma leans backwards and turns to Hasumi, “My compatriot, may I take you up on this offer? I’m already looked down upon as it is, coming home smelling of indulgence will only make matters worse.”

Hasumi finishes off the last fistful of his squid chips, face flushed from drink, “Sure. Whatever. Pass out wherever. I’ll get you a set of night clothes,” standing to make his way to his closet, defiantly swaying just a bit.

“Take care of him would ya?” Kiryuu bids to Sakuma as he makes his way out the door, “I don’t think that kid can hold his liquor,” laughter decorating that statement as he slides the door shut.

“He’s right huh~” Sakuma hums, turning to his friend rummaging through his storage, “My Hasumi-chan maybe you had too much~ let’s take it easy even if it’s a good evening.” A pair of yukata and haori lands against his face in response. Oof. “So cruel, Hasumi-chan. Is your boyfriend ok with having another handsome boy spend the night~”

“Shut up,” Hasumi plops down on the cushion next to him, reaching for a half finished can and rummaging for more snacks, “I don’t want to talk. About him. And. Don’t call me Hasumi-chan.”

Sakuma places the pajamas aside, leaning forward resting elbows on the table and chin on his hands, ”My Hasumi-chan, trouble in paradise?”

Hasumi looks upwards towards an unknown point, before taking another full drink, “I just haven’t been able to see him lately,” he grouses. “Not your concern. I don’t care.”

“Hmm, it seems like you care a little but,” Sakuma offers him an unopened bag of crisps, but he declines. “It’s ok to complain. Doesn’t mean anything~”

“Means everything,” a sharpness to those fuzzy words, “doesn’t have the time of day for me. Too busy doing handshakes. Fucking idiot is going to get sick again.”

A muddled Sakuma, managing his alcohol only a little better than his companion, is unable to grasp the situation he opened himself up to. “I’m sure he’s much like any of us who graduated, simply chasing his dream. Doing much better than almost all our colleagues have. What is it that you miss you cannot find elsewhere?”

Hasumi rummages through the box and pulls out the last two cans of beer, handing one to his drinking partner. A sober man might have questioned how much they’ve drank, but Sakuma was drifting in comfort, thoughts clouded by enjoying company of a childhood friend. Tugging on the pull tab, they made their final cheer for the night.

“Sakuma. When was the last time you were with. Anyone?”

Briefly pondering how much he should reveal to his friend, Sakuma uses the hesitation to drink.  Betray the unit mate he fooled around with, or admit the last true liaison he had was the pair during DEADMANs. “For what curiosity does this come from? Someone like me wants no connection to this realm beyond friendship,” the coyest answer he could give.

Quickly finishing his drink, Hasumi slams it down onto the table littered already with too many cans finished between three people. Not the intention to pick a fight, but there is a defiant frustration in his tone, that is equally faltering due to drink. “Like I thought. You don’t understand.” Deftly sighing before leaning backwards, supported by both arms and making eye contact with Sakuma, “Skinship. Affection.”

With an affirmative ‘mm,’ a flustered Sakuma turns away, reaching for the night clothes Hasumi had provided. “Maybe it’s time to take our rest, Hasumi-chan,” he stands to change from the shirt he was wearing, pulling it over his head. Unclothed back to Hasumi, Sakuma reaches down for the provided yukata. Pulling his arms through the draping sleeves, before tying the koshi-himo, quick hands felt reaching around Sakuma’s torso.

Hasumi had moved to his knees behind Sakuma, running nimble fingers along bare skin. Hazy thoughts took moments to register with Sakuma, as the other had already changed to standing. Lips and teeth grazing the paler individual, warm breath on cool skin. If Sakuma says something now, if he tries to stop it now, they could both pretend it was another one of their youthful indiscretions and leave it at that: forgotten.

Some small voice in the smallest corner of Sakuma’s conscious whispers  _ I don’t want to be forgotten. _

A graceless movement, Hasumi had managed to remove Sakuma’s half-donned yukata, and dropped on the floor between them. Grabbing his wrist, Hasumi pulled Sakuma around to face him now. Red marks and welts dancing on the skin of Sakuma’s left shoulder, his courter taking his chin firmly between their thumb and forefinger to clumsily connect a sinful kiss. Now would have been the moment to end it, a perfect moment to push the other away. Rather than doing the sensible thing, Sakuma’s hand moved to grasp Hasumi’s crown, insuring they did not break away, but instead deepened the kiss. Awkward and sanguine and the taste of barley and hops. Fingers fiercely digging into the exposed hip bones above Sakuma’s trousers, while his free hand tangles with Hasumi’s fingers that were gripping his wrist before. Finally, a pause.

A sober Hasumi would not have shoved Sakuma down onto those tatami mats as hard as he did, but a sober Hasumi might not have even found himself in this position. Intoxication is not an excuse or a reason for their actions, propensity lurking within, waiting to resurface from their teenage years.

Not wanting to be controlled so easily, Sakuma grabs the other’s lithe upper arms and manages to reverse their positions, now straddling his former unit mate. A brief shared look: anger, frustration, lust, approval, and understanding.

The smallest hesitation as Sakuma eyed the slightly disheveled Hasumi underneath him. Yukata still tied but pulled askew, collarbone and chest visible. The delectable crevasse of shoulder meeting neck, luring Sakuma’s sharp canines to sink deeply in drawing blood and gasps from an already flushed Hasumi. Sickly taste of iron devoured as if not having it would bring death immediately. A hand found Sakuma’s unkempt hair and forced his head apart from Hasumi’s shoulder. Rather than scolding him, Hasumi forced his face to meet the others, now tasting his own blood on Sakuma’s lips and tongue. Unoccupied hands finding themselves on the undoing the top one’s belt and unceremoniously tossing it aside, jeans following shortly. Sakuma returned the favor, jerking the robe open and removing Hasumi’s undergarment, the robe could stay. After a few moments of searching for something behind the books of the shelf next to them, Hasumi sits up with Sakuma still sitting on his lap. Soon a cold and slick digit penetrated Sakuma.

“Relax would you? You’re too tense,” a hushed statement as he pushes his forehead against the other’s chest, “When was the last time you were even with anyone…”

Rather than a plaintive ‘it was you,’ black painted nails dug into a shoulder and the other hand wrapped around both of their members, constant and encouraging friction persuading Hasumi to force another digit in, and another till he deemed they were both ready. Those painted nails dug in even tighter, near breaking skin, as his partner filled him. Rather than enjoying being guided from below, Sakuma kept his pace, managing himself as he also moved his hips in time, guiding Hasumi to the exact spot he wanted. Laying a tight grip on Sakuma’s waistline, definitively ensuring there will be finger sized bruises in the morning, his teeth found Sakuma’s nipple. Mouthing and licking, mistreating him with soft bites leading to harder bites, forming more bruises where he could to mark what he’s done. It wasn’t long until Hasumi could feel Sakuma shuddering, and a warmth had pooled onto both of them due to how close Hasumi was pressing himself into the other. The night felt like a blur, as Hasumi came to a climax, forehead till pressed against his friend’s chest. Sakuma could hear him quietly call  _ Eichi _ against his chest.

Staying like that only for a moment, neither of them wanting to acknowledge what they had done. Eventually, Sakuma pushed himself off, leaning back but trying to obscure a dripping shame. Hasumi seemed distant, he found himself some cloth or something, cleaned himself off and attempted to aid Sakuma, yukata trailing behind him with his movement. Leaving his companion, he turned and found his futon, rolling it out for the night, not saying much of a word- either of acknowledgement or asking him to leave. Sakuma dressed himself loosely, in the provided night wear and slipped under the comforter behind and already lying Hasumi. Heavy breathing only to be found in return, he wrapped his arms around him and buried his face in the other’s shoulder, black wisps of hair falling over the shoulder marked with a deep bite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im really sorry lol


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an incredible amount of plot

Standing on those once familiar steps, maybe he made the wrong decision to come back to this temple he once frequented years ago. Karamon casting a shadow over an already pensive Sakuma, not regretting his decision but not wanting to move forward either; however, after moments passing he was clear he was in the way, standing there. Forcing himself to move forward, his feet found the accustomed path, bringing him to the main hall. Among practitioners, Sakuma looked for that furrowed brow he once knew and did not see him.

“Sa…kuma-kun?” A heavy hand on his shoulder urging him to turn.

“Ah… Hasumi’s brother, is it?” an affirmative ‘mm’ in response, “I apologize for disrupting… I was looking for your brother you see.”

“I understand, I was worried you were another reporter,” he says with disdain, “but your appearance hasn’t changed much, has it? It’s been too long since you last visited,” a rare smile graced his face, much like the younger Hasumi.

“Yes, well, I apologize for no longer making appearances. Please give my regards,” with a graceful bow.

“Ah well, you’re here for Keito hm?” Seeing the confirmative expression, the older brother continued, “I deeply apologize for you coming out here. Keito specifically asked for no one to be allowed to visit him. Even Kiryuu-kun and Kanzaki-kun.”

Bringing a hand to his face Sakuma, he gives a pensive response, “So, it is like that after all,” searching for a proper response that could allow him to at least attempt to see the younger brother.

Rather than giving Sakuma a chance, the older Hasumi lead him back towards the door, “At least buy a charm on your way out?”

* * *

Sitting at the table in his apartment, Sakuma stared wistfully at the charm he purchased at the Hasumi’s shrine. Trying to think of something he could or should do, but not wanting to forsake his leadership duties to his unit. The latch to his front door turned suddenly, only to be greeted by the faces of some of his favorite people.

“Please excuse us,” from Otogari quietly.

“YA HO, REI!” Oogami barks over his reserved friend, barreling in and kicking his boots off in the entry way.

Hakaze brought up the rear, closing the door behind them while carrying large bags. Otogari helps and they both set the take out down while Oogami tries not to roll around like an excited puppy. Moments of passing around containers and dolling out utensils and drinks, a cheery _thank you for the food_ resonates, as team UNDEAD digs in for their weekly group dinner.

“Oi Hakaze where we playing next week. You got the schedule.”

“Ugh let me finish my noodles, doggie.”

“Oogami, we’re meant to be bonding not working.”

“Koga, pass me that dumpling.”

“Here… whatever Adonis. Bonding is music, music is bonding! I want to play somewhere new.”

“Mm yeah we have our usual venue… we have a free week, maybe we can do a guerilla live at the crossroads...”

“Auuughhh that’s too much work! Too many people to set up there!”

“What about Sunshine City, Koga?”

“Too poppy! Only shitty boy bands play in a mall.”

“What about Shinjuku station? Right outside.”

Wrapping his arm around his friend’s neck, Koga yells, “That’s a great idea Adonis! See, you got good ones if you try,” pulling him closer and rubbing his head affectionately.

“Oya~ Koga please let go of our dear Adonis-kun, we don’t work as a three-some you know,” Sakuma coos, always happy to see his unit mates getting along. Turning to the blond, “Kaoru-kun, would you mind writing that down? Let’s do a guerilla Friday night.”

“Sure, sure,” taking a pen out of his bag and writing into the communal planner for the group.

Oogami wolfed down the rest of his dinner, stretched out his arms, and flopped backwards onto Sakuma’s wooden floor. As long as they’re still working, as long as they’re still making music, he’s content. The heating from the short table making the small apartment feel cozier than usual.

“Kaoru-kun,” Sakuma ignores the energetic boys action and turns to Hakaze, “Thank you for being diligent as always. We appreciate your hard work, even if this doggie is rude.”

Over complaints of ‘I am not a fuckin’ dog’ Hakaze tries to dodge the compliment, “Yes well, you only got worse keeping track of everything Sakuma-san. Someone needs to stay on top.”

“Ah you tease this old fool,” covering his heart as if he’s shocked, “Did you have any fun dates this week, my friend?”

“Ah unfortunately not...” scratching the back of his head while looking for his phone, “I did another shoot for that magazine…” showing his unit mates pictures of his modeling for the sportswear magazine Hakaze does work for, “but I asked them to mention our usual live in the interview this time…”

“Ah, Kanzaki took me to the beach this week,” Otogari interjects, “isn’t it starting to be too cold to surf Hakaze-senpai?”

“Mm, that’s why the new spread has wet suits.”

“Oh, I see… Kanzaki wanted to look for sea creatures but I think it was too cold…”

“What kinda date is that!” Oogami shouts while still laying down.

“Well I still had fun…”

“That’s what matters on dates, doggie~ but you wouldn’t know would you?”

“Shut up stupid flirt!! There’s no time for that bullshit. We should be writing more music!”

Laughter and teasing and eating and drinking carried on well into the night, until it neared time for the last train to run. Otogari aided Sakuma in cleaning up the used containers, packing a refuse bag to take out with him when they left the building. Sakuma walked the trio to the door, waving them off, but Oogami waiting behind, “Oi I’ll catch you two at the station. Don’t wait up.” Shutting the door behind him, Sakuma gave Oogami a questioning look. “Don’t give me that fuckin’ face. You know what I want to talk to you about. Have you seen shitty glasses yet?”

“Koga, that’s a little unkind.”

“Don’t act like I shouldn’t be worried, idiot.”

Rummaging through his bag he tossed aside when his friends arrived, he pulled out the charm to show, “I went to the temple, but Hasumi wasn’t feeling well.”

Squatting down to level with Sakuma, Oogami squints at the embroidery, “Happiness…. Really?! You couldn’t have at least gotten something for prosperity or money?!”

“Oh, doggie, money doesn’t buy you happiness~”  
“Don’t change the subject with shitty proverbs!” Pointing angrily at his leader, “I don’t need you to start acting like that idiot you were before! You got responsibilities to UNDEAD!”

“I understand, Koga.”

“Good,” standing back up and crossing his arms, Oogami continues, “Not like you can’t take care of yourself. I don’t care what you do.”

* * *

It was cold. Incredibly cold. Too fuckin’ cold to be out here trying to track down his leader. Already having left the Sakuma family home, to be pointed in another direction, Oogami Koga had just exited the transferred buses towards the other side of town. Smaller family homes, small rise apartment buildings, tightly woven and streets dotted with vending machines, compared to the affluent area he just left. Grumbling and carrying his school bag on top of his guitar case, Oogami walked along the unfamiliar path trying to find the address he was given by the younger Sakuma, following the map on his phone.

Finally, after wandering for much longer than he wanted to be putting in the effort for, he finds a gate leading to a small pathway almost obstructed by overgrown greenery. _There’s no way this guy lives here_ , while knocking on the door.

Clattering heard as the handle turns. A young lady answers, only slightly shorter than Oogami, with long black hair, “Oi. Stop staring. We don’t need no more newspapers. Get lost.”

Her moving to slam the door shut breaks Oogami’s gawking, “W-wait. Hold up!” Jamming his boot in the door way.”  
“Aren’t you fuckin’ brazin’ for a salesman,” she spits back, “don’t make me kick your ass.”  
Clearly meeting his match for what may be the first time in his life, Oogami stutters out “I… I’m lookin’ for Kiryuu! Kuro Kiryuu!”

Clearly displeased she couldn’t completely pulverize Oogami – today – the younger sister steps back from the little forayer into the house, allowing Oogami room to step inside, “KU. RO. Some piece of shit is looking for you,” before going back to the small living room to continue watching her TV show.  

“Sis. How many times have I told you to be kinder to Kan- oh. You’re not Kanzaki,” Kiryuu Kuro stepping out from behind the alcove that housed their kitchen, wearing an apron definitely not befitting him, possibly a hand me down, preparing dinner for the odd couple. “What do you want Oogami.”

Still somewhat knocked off balance from meeting Kiryuu’s little sister, still looking a little dumb struck being in a home he did not expect to belong to the previous year’s karate captain. “I uh… I was told you might know where shitty vampire is…”

“Oh. That guy,” Kiryuu huffed and turned back to the vegetables he was chopping. “Who’d you ask? Kanzaki? I thought it wasn’t a secret by now.”

“No… Ritsu told me I should ask you.”

“Oh, the little brother huh. Of course, he wouldn’t bother explaining. Why you wastin’ your time looking for him anyways?”

“The fucker was supposed to come to mine n’ Adonis’ performance. He didn’t show, I gotta give him what for ya know!?”

“Yeah, I got that…” concentrating on the tomato he was dicing up, “I heard from Kanzaki you guys have been doin’ well this year. Go yell at him to your hearts content, he deserves it.”

“So do you know where he is?!”

“Yeah…” turning back around to drop the ingredients into the pot he was working on, Kiryuu indignantly stares down Oogami, “He practically lives at the Hasumi temple now. You know where it is? I’ll send you the address. Make sure to give that guy a good talkin’ to.”

“And don’t fuckin’ come back unless you bring me sweets.”

* * *

He couldn’t believe he was standing under that kamaron again. The last time, he tried to forget. Before UNDEAD was founded, when DEADMANs was their pride and joy. A brief and devastating unit, it seemed like no matter where Oogami went somehow, Hasumi Keito would be tied up in their affairs, even in the smallest way. The last time they stood on those grounds he had just met those who would become his unit mates in UNDEAD. _I can’t believe I thought the shamisen was fuckin’ cool_ , scoffing at himself. Dusk had already settled, and he was still in his uniform, rather than returning home since the temple was out of the way for that. It was over in that space, Oogami looked towards, that the two he used to look up to, doled out the plans for their guerrilla live in the club where Hakaze worked.

It just pissed him off now, honestly. He never ventured much into the temple, but Oogami figured the fact that he was wearing a Yumenosaki uniform would at least identify some relation between him and Hasumi. Trying his best not to look as pissed as he felt, he climbed those short stairs looking for Hasumi himself or some other temple member that may know where he is. It was only a brief moment after rounding a corner that would have lead him to the main hall way, where Oogami near-collided with someone sweeping.

“Please watch where you are heading dea-“ realizing the younger kid was wearing a school uniform, “Oh. You must be one of my brother’s friends. Really, watch where you’re running.”

 _What the hell kind of weirdos am I meeting today?!_ “Yeah… I’m looking for Keito Hasumi,” gruffly responding in an attempt to not apologize. The older brother seems just as stern as the younger, he points of Koga towards where he could find his brothers room and implored him to be politer in his clamoring.

Oogami finally found himself outside the door that he could supposedly find his leader. Loud voices could be heard, where they having some kind of party? If he knocked would he be heard? Acting rather than thinking, Oogami flung open the door, “SAKUMA REI YOU FUCKER YOU BETTER BE IN HERE.”

“Oya oya doggie~ you tracked me down here?”

“What an annoying dog.”

Standing in the doorway, Oogami was illuminated by the warm yellow light from the room. He wasn’t sure what he was going to find today, but it certainly wasn’t this. Junk food and empty cans littered across the small table Hasumi and Sakuma were sitting at. His leader looked disheveled, Hasumi more so, red flushes cast upon their faces, not in embarrassment but in intoxication. Any guise of practicing their instruments they had, had been cast aside long ago: violin case never opened, shamisen still hung up on its rack. They were practically draped over each other, laughing at some stupid joke the other told, or other things Oogami didn’t want to think of.

“Join us, my precious doggie, would you like a drink?”

“I don’t want some bratty dog in our business Rei.”

“Now Hasumi-chan is that any way to treat our precious guitarist? Or have you managed to fritter away our precious memories of DEADMANs~?”

“That’s not the kind of business I’m talking about.”

 _I don’t want to know what business you’re talking about_.

“Aw how precious are you jealous~”

“You keep saying precious. Knock it off.”

No longer waiting for an opening in their banter, “Do you know what fuckin’ date it is!?” Oogami howls.

“Hmm… nope!” Sakuma cheerily answers before popping another snack into his mouth, and one into Hasumi’s.

Only serving to infuriate Oogami more and more, something snaps. Not even being polite enough to take off his boots, he crosses the treshold, and yanks, hard, on the tangled ponytail Sakuma was wearing. It pulled him to his feet, and Oogami grasped his senior’s shoulder, grabbing his bag, and practically marching him out of the room like an angered parent. Before Hasumi could get off an interjection, he slammed the door shut behind them.

“Doggie~” Sakuma sang, “What is this aggression for? Are you mad I haven’t been paying enough attention to you? Here, I’ll pat your head.”

“Don’t you. Fuckin’ dare.” Silence fell between them before Oogami broke it, “What day is it?” asking his leader again.

They had made their way, away from room Hasumi resided in, and trying to convince his leader to leave the temple grounds. Stumbling with his thoughts, Sakuma tried to recall what day it was, but it was clear he couldn’t.

Oogami turned to face him now. “It’s the second to last Friday in the month. You remember? Mine and Adonis’ last performance at Yumenosaki. You said you’d be there.” Only downcast eyes offered a response, so Oogami continued, “You know who showed up? Hakazae. Shitty flirt Hakaze Kaoru was there. The guy who never gave a fuck about our unit. He was in the front row cheering us two on. You know who wasn’t there?”

There was no response, when a response was begged for. At least show some responsibility.

“You weren’t there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if youve actually been reading this i appreciate it. im having a lot of fun writing certain characters and them interacting.


	7. Chapter 7

Another week had passed, and Sakuma still hadn’t managed to see Hasumi. Mid-morning light crept under the dark curtains of the sole window in Sakuma’s small city apartment. It was a cold day like this, one many moons ago when Hasumi had paid him a visit at his parents. Now, living alone, truly an adult. Meager occult nick knacks scattered about shelves in a mostly empty room, lucky enough to find an apartment that wasn’t a studio, but had a bedroom separated from the living area. Rather than a western style bed like at home, he had opted for a traditional futon – due in part to cost. It’s not the easiest to have nice things when you also have to pay rent on top of venue fees and equipment rental. But it was a day like today that Hasumi had showed up.

Knowing that the unit didn’t have a scheduled show or practice today meant he could have slept in a bit longer and lazed around his apartment; however miraculously, Sakuma got himself up and out the door within an hour. Heading down the trodden path after exiting the rail way he found himself under that karamon once more. It was the fifth time now, since the news about Tenshouin’s passing had broken, that he had tried to see his old consort. Each time he did the polite thing and approached family or staff for permission before stepping into the living quarters of the temple. Each time he had been denied. It was a day like today many years ago he wouldn’t have felt like he needed to ask permission.

So, what if he didn’t.

It must have been a holiday, or special event, or something – Sakuma did not know too much about Buddhism – because there were more people than normal on the temple grounds. Using the cover to almost sneak his way around to the once familiar wing, he almost felt like the troublemaker he used to be. Well, Hasumi wouldn’t have moved rooms, he’s too much of a stickler against change, so it should still be the same room. There wasn’t noise coming from the room Sakuma once spent too much time in, just the buzzing of visitors in the main square filling the crisp air. Knock once, knock twice – no response. A text to his friend – no response. A phone call – no answer and no ringtone heard on the other side of the door.

_I came all this way._

Only the briefest moment of should I or shouldn’t I elapsed before Sakuma wrenched the door open, greeted by… nothing. Well, not nothing exactly, but the room was dark (or as dark as it could be in midday.) It looked like it hadn’t been used in days, if not longer. Slipping off his loafers, Sakuma stepped into a room he hadn’t stepped into for many years – for good reason. If it wasn’t for the futon being unfurled, anyone would have assumed there was no one here. Finding the edge of the comforter covering the futon, Sakuma lifted the corner and his hands softly ruffled the other’s hair.

“Hey, Hasumi-kun.”

No response other than shifting, Hasumi had his back to where Sakuma had kneeled down next to him.  Well, if he was asleep he wouldn’t have shifted in response to the touch, right?

“It’s me, Rei,” as if it wasn’t clear who he was. “I’m sorry for showing up like this. I even talked to Kiryuu-san, I managed to text him, you know? I got used to keyboards, but everything is touch screen now.” Still no response. “I visited last week, but your dear older brother turned me away. The week before too. I bought a charm the last time I was here.” Silence. “Ah, dear older brother… he said you did not want to see anyone, but would you make an attempt for this old fool?” No response, but he moved to delicately tuck a strand of hair behind the other’s, ear in an attempt to see their face.

“You’d have done well to listen to him.” Finally. Yet, it sounded like Hasumi hadn’t used his voice in days, if not longer. There was an ache in his voice, not one you should find in a vocalist.

“Would you like me to fetch you some water?” Sakuma asked.

“No.” They sat in that silence for what felt like hours, but was only less than five minutes before Hasumi shifted uncomfortably again. Giving up, he turned, keeping himself under the blankets still, to face his friend.

It wasn’t a face Sakuma recognized, however. The gaunt look that naturally adorned Sakuma’s face was something of a charm point for fans, but dark under eyes and the hinting of hollowed cheeks were not something that should grace Hasumi Keito’s face. Granted, the lights turned off did not help, but it was clear something was amiss.

“Hey Hasumi…” Sakuma ran a finger along his friend’s jaw, trying to get him to look up at him, “When was the last time you ate?”

Either adverting his eyes because he didn’t want to answer, or because he wasn’t wearing his glasses, he finally answered, “I haven’t.”

“Today? You haven’t eaten today? Why don’t we go out?”

“No. I haven’t eaten. Period. I don’t remember the last time.”

Sakuma wasn’t the one to lecture in this pair, and advice he offers his friends is typically lyrical so they can work it out themselves – so this was not a situation where that would do. Resting his chin on his hand, he thought, tried to think of a solution, while eyes searching his friend that was still there, somewhere.

“When was the last time you went out?”

“The funeral.”

“When was the last time you showered?”

“Don’t remember.”

This is useless. Sitting back and resting on his hands now, Sakuma looked around that room, nothing much had changed. Books and memories updated, but everything was still in the same place. No conversation was offered by Hasumi, so he took in the room with his thought. Without offering a reason, Sakuma stood up. It didn’t make too much of a difference to the other, he could still make out that Sakuma was moving about, but he did not care that much about it.

Only a second of searching Sakuma found an old school bag, and began filling it with clothes. Some items, an uncharged cell phone, spare glasses, a book he thought the other would like. Setting it down on the square table, he took some of the clothes he pulled from the closet to the bundled mass that was his friend under his covers. “Sit up, Hasumi-kun,” Sakuma had snaked his hands under the too warm blanket and found his friends arms. He wasn’t even going to make an attempt, so Sakuma pulled him up to a sitting position himself. No response. “We’re changing your shirt.” He worked the pajamas off his friend, who had been wearing them definitely too long. At least Hasumi wasn’t fighting him, but it was concerning how seemingly lifeless he was. Sakuma worked the other’s arms into the sweater he had pulled out. He stood up and look down to his friend, “You’re changing out of your pajama pants,” he stated, not giving the other an option to disagree – and he didn’t. He just sat there. If this was what it was like to raise a child, Sakuma was sure he never wanted to – having to wrestle his friend out of his pants to change into fresh ones he could be seen in. At least Hasumi looked somewhat presentable now.

Sakuma took the scarf he was wearing and wrapped it around his friend, well enough so it covered most of his face. So people either wouldn’t recognize him or wonder if he was ill. “Glasses on or off?” he asked after finding them under some papers on the table, but he met no response once more. Sakuma gingerly placed them on his friend’s face, because if he tried to carry them for him he might break them.

Finding his own shoes and getting them on, he helped Hasumi put on his shoes. He didn’t ask why he suddenly fully dressed, but just let it happen. Sakuma slid the door open once more, looking back at Hasumi. He wrapped his fingers within the other’s, and pulled him past the threshold. “Ah, we shouldn’t go out the front, your doting brother will definitely stop us… luckily I still remember how to sneak in and out,” a smile towards Hasumi, who kept his eyes cast towards the ground.

“Where are you taking me?”

“Home.”

* * *

 

The key in the clicked and rather than being greeted with the pitter patter of tiny paws Sakuma expected, he found his unit mates sitting waiting for him. Oogami pushed him forward into his small apartment near school, shutting the door and locking it behind him. Leon was found enjoying behind the ear scratches from Otogari, who had him on his lap.

“Oya, what’s this? Are we having a party my wonderful doggie? How thoughtful, even Kaoru-kun is here.”

Rather than meeting his leader with a smile, Hakaze returned a frown and furrowed brows, “I’m not here because I want to be, Sakuma-san.”

“Sit down,” Oogami growled after taking off his boots and dropping his school bag and guitar case, “we all need to talk.”

After a few moments of incredibly awkward silence while Sakuma and Oogami got situated, Oogami broke the silence himself, “you missed mine and Adonis’ last performance as UNDEAD.”

“Ah I understand doggie but you see I apologized profusely, allow me to extend my sincerest apology to you as well Adonis…” after a deep bow of his head, “but there was no reason to assemble everyone tonight.”

Before Hakaze could interject, Otogari was the person to speak, “you promised you would come support us on our last performance Sakuma-senpai…” looking firmly towards his leader, with as much emotion as Otogari would normally wear on his face – unless you were close with him you could not tell how much hurt his expression wore. Quietly he spoke again, “Even Hakaze-senpai was there.”

Turning to his friend, Sakuma moved to ask if it was true, but Oogami yelled over him before anyone else could speak, “That’s how much you fucked up shitty old vampire! Even shitty flirt was there fuckin’ front row cheering us two on! It’s fuckin’ pathetic you weren’t there and he was, all our classmates could see it!” Peppered with curses to demonstrate just how angry Oogami was with Sakuma, face growing redder and redder the more he continued. “Can you believe it?!” Gesturing to Hakaze now, “Do you even have any idea what Hakaze Kaoru of all people has been doing since he graduated? The guy who never gave any fuck about our unit?”

“Ah well I understand he pursued employment…”

“He’s been working really hard Sakuma-senpai.”

“Ah you guys don’t make a big deal of it…” Hakaze tried to look away from the trio of eyes that landed on him, “Well it’s true I needed to work to pay for my moving out… but I could have stayed home and gotten a ‘real job’ as my dad says and spent the rest of my days chasing girls…” A statement that would have warranted ‘typical Kaoru-kun’ with a laugh in a lighter setting, “But I started doing some modeling too. For a surf magazine. It’s fun, but they’re interested in our music too so I always try to talk about UNDEAD at shoots. It’s a hassle, you know? But it pays well so I’ve been putting some money away so we can book venues when doggie and Adonis graduate.”

Silence filled the apartment, besides Leon’s rolling around and trying to play with Adonis. It was definitely a shock to Sakuma, even though Hakaze and himself had been friends, he never found himself particularly close with him. It was difficult because of the mantra of ‘you’re a guy so I don’t care,’ but it wasn’t like he didn’t care about Hakaze either, it just meant they did not spend much time together outside of school or unit activities, and it only worsened once they graduated. Of cours,e Hakaze would move out of his toxic environment as soon as possible, but Sakuma never expected him to care much about UNDEAD, simply because it seemed like it was a means to chasing skirt.

“Kaoru-kun… it seems I have gravely misjudged you.”

“Yeah well, don’t make such a big deal out of it. I’m sure you were working hard to welcome our kids to the adult world, too.”

Another bout of silence fell over the apartment, as they waited impatiently for their mastermind type leader to fill them in with the wonderful plans he had concocted.

But he didn’t have anything.

“Ah, well you see, Hasumi-kun helped me write-“

“Don’t, fuckin’ don’t,” Oogami spit, “He’s not in our unit. What have _you_ done shitty old man? Besides sleep all day or sleep around?”

It seemed like Oogami and Sakuma were locked into some battle that Otogari and Hakaze had no place in, with how the tension consumed the air around them.

“Ah, Hakaze-senpai, I think it’s time to walk Leon… would you like to join me?”

“That sounds like a good idea, let’s go.”

After a few moments of shuffling and Leon losing his mind because he gets to have his nightly walk, the air felt only heavier after Otogari and Hakaze closed the door behind them.

“This isn’t fuckin’ gonna be DEADMANs again.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about doggie~”

“Don’t bullshit me you bastard, there’s a reason why I don’t want to remember that time.”

“But the three of us, we made beautiful music you see?”

“It was the two of you, there was no room for anyone else. You barely even fuckin’ remember we had that red head with us! The two of you were practically fuckin’ on stage.”

“That’s such a crass thing to say, doggie. You should be kinder towards Hasumi-kun, he only-“

Sakuma’s sentence was abruptly ended with a fierce open-palmed slap from Oogami. Anyone else other than Sakuma Rei, it would have earned a knock out brawl. Anyone else, and Oogami Koga would have put them into the ground. Sakuma gingerly touched his fingers to where Oogami’s blow landed, skin feeling as if it’s radiating heat. The other still stared him down, waiting for his leader to dare to argue with him.

“Doggie…”

“If you do not stop calling me doggie, I will take Adonis and shitty flirt with me, and UNDEAD will be gone. You’ll be left alone. We don’t need you if this is how it is going to be.”

They both sat in silence once more, cast aside looks from Sakuma as he wondered how he hadn’t of realized just how bad things had gotten. How could he have forgotten his wonderful friends he cared dearly for, even if he wasn’t able to see them every day since he graduated. They were still there, there were still his friends, his unit, his family.

“I’m sorry Oogami-kun, for me to be the cause of such anger…”

“Don’t fuckin call me Oogami either! It’s too fuckin’ polite for the likes of you!”

“Oh, then what kind of nick name would you like?”

“I don’t need a nick name! Call me Koga! We’re equal now. You’re going to have to recognize me.”

His face still radiated from the earlier roughness, but a small smile grew, “Ok Koga, will you play me the song you sang tonight with Adonis? I want to hear you sing and play your guitar once again.”

“You fuckin’ bet Rei, I’m gonna make you regret not showin’ up!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had a hard time writing this aughhh


	8. Chapter 8

_I really have no idea what I’m doing_ , almost letting that thought slip out as he stirred the soup. Regarding both to his ability to cook, and what to do now that he had brought Hasumi into his apartment. Small stove top, small fridge, small living room, everything was too small in that moment, and Sakuma was increasingly aware of the exact situation he created. Dragging Hasumi out of his non-existent mournful state, changing the scenery from his room to Sakuma’s apartment wouldn’t change Hasumi’s mood. At least he could try to get him to eat, to do something about that paler than Sakuma complexion.

“Here I made some lunch~” setting down bowls with a clatter on the tiny table in the living space.

Breaking the constant daze he seemed to be in, Hasumi spoke, “I’m not hu- did you make tomato soup?”

“Ah forgive me my friend, I thought soup would be best but it is all I have.”

Definitely a situation that would have warranted ‘You’re incorrigible,’ but that trademark wasn’t to be found.

“Sure, you’re not hungry I understand,” taking a sip of his own soup and watching Hasumi idly stare at his offering. If it wasn’t for his breathing, it would almost be as if he was a ghost. It’s not a state someone would expect to see the strict Hasumi Keito in. Maybe the easiest way to get to him would be to pick at the morals he holds dear, “My Hasumi-kun, I went to the trouble of cooking for you. The least you could do is eat some,” with a deadly, sincere smile towards his friend.

“Thank you for going to the trouble,” Hasumi quietly murmured as he picked up the spoon and took at least a few sips of the soup before setting it down again. Sakuma watched with enthusiasm, at least he got some kind of nutrition into him. “I’d rather not force myself. My stomach is rather upset.”

After finishing his last bit of food, Sakuma nodded and cleared their plates, bundling them up for left overs to be eaten later. “You’ll sleep here tonight,” he announces as if Hasumi had a choice, “at least you can rest easy not having to worry about cursed reporters for once.

He nods a response and allows Sakuma to lead him to the small bedroom. Not questioning where the other would sleep as Sakuma rolled out the modest futon for one. Tolerating them helping him into a new bed and taking his glasses of for him. It was only late afternoon, but moving so much after not moving for what was possibly weeks, granted him exhaustion once more. Quickly drifting off surrounded by a once familiar scent.

Closing the door behind him, Sakuma returned to the living space to putter around. Finding Hausmi’s cell phone he had plugged into charge when they first returned home, he found it inundated with missed calls and messages. No wonder he stopped charging it and turning it on, there was a massive array of unknown numbers – probably more reporters harassing him about his relationship with Tenshouin; however, speckled in were messages from friends: concerns, worries, and thoughts of care for Hasumi. Messages he probably hadn’t even seen. All of fine’s previous members had either texted or called – even Wataru – texts from Kiryuu here and there checking up on him went unread. Kanzaki had texted his leader almost every day, with positive musings such as reminders to eat, talking about the weather, or informing Hasumi of something he did that day. He’s really a good kid, much like Otogari always says of him.

Pulling out his own mobile phone, rather than attempting to figure out Hasumi’s pass code, Sakuma sends an update to Kiryuu. He’s probably at work right now so he wouldn’t be yelled at immediately. UNDEAD didn’t have practice for the next few nights, so he wouldn’t need to alert his unit mates… rather, he dialed a contact he tried to stay in touch with as often as their schedules permitted.

“Oh ho~! Sakuma Rei! You have rung, and I have answered! It is I, your Hibiki Wataru!”

Only Wataru could answer a phone call so fabulously. “I see you have my contact still saved. Are you busy my dear friend? I know it’s sudden but could you meet me at that café near my apartment?”

“For you my dearest, most lovely, most wonderful friend, I will certainly drop all plans and gallantly meet you there shortly!”

And in due time, the pair met under the stripped awning of the street side café. Drinks had been ordered and delivered, and they found themselves a secluded booth so they could talk someone privately. “My dear friend, my most lovely acquaintance, what is the urgency of calling on myself so last minute? Are you unwell? Do you need a respite?” Wataru pesters the moment the server left them.

“Ah it is nothing like that, but was it truly fine for you to leave so abruptly? I am unsure what you are doing right now…”

“It is tremendously fine!” he wildly gestures, “Itsuki-kun will be irate once he discovers I have left the theater but his preciously voracious doll will be there to calm him down!” He must be talking about Kagehira, “For I am only designing this season’s wonderful revue! Trap doors and illusions already set up for practice, there is no way the maestro can be mad at myself tonight!” A grand proclamation made that would have warranted a signature ‘fuuuuuuuuuuuu!’ from Wataru, but thankfully he had at least learned some social ordinances since graduation. So, it seems Wataru is still designing for Itsuki’s Takarazuka shows. He never stays in one place for long, so it was truly amazing for him to be nearby when Sakuma called on him. “But pray tell my dearest Sakuma Rei, for what reason have you called on yours truly so abruptly? For I will always come at your beck and call but the suddenness is terribly worrisome!”

“Well, I managed to bring Hasumi-kun to rest at my place, I turned on his phone and saw you had called on him.”

“Ah yes, the wonderful right to my left hand! Even I am capable of a modicum of concern for a loved one of my loved one! Truly we must all mourn the passing of our great emperor! But you see, for I can delve truly, whole bodily, into my work and channel my sorrows! But for Hasumi-kun what is it he does? He is too stoic, and was too much in love! Does he exist in this realm still? I would have expected his life to end the same night my perfect emperor passed!”

Even if they weren’t in the back corner of the café, no passerby would be able to truly discern what Wataru was shouting about, but luckily most of the so-called Oddballs were used to each other’s speech patterns, even after all these years. “I’ll give him your regards, at least when it is discernible that he can stomach your name. I’m worried I made an idiot of myself, dragging him out of his home, but he was honestly wasting away at that temple.”

“Your kindness is boundless my precious comrade! But for what reason are you extending yourself so greatly?”

Hastily sipping his tea, “It was actually a situation much like this, but still when we were foolish youths. Your emperor and I were sipping tea when he oh so politely asked me to look after Hasumi-kun. After he finally perished.”

“Ah even in death Tenshouin Eichi is so benevolent and graceful!” Gesturing wildly once more.

“It’s fine for you to be projecting as loud as you do my dear Wataru, but please do not shout that name so loudly.” Wataru quickly brought his hands to cover his mouth in shock, “No not that I don’t want to hear it. Hasumi-kun’s phone had been plagued by unknown phone calls. I fear the tabloids had figured out his and the emperor’s relationship. Well, not that I expect anyone here to cause issues, but I still worry.”

“Ah you are quite right! I forgot even my stage has villains! Truly when days had passed after he was laid to rest I was approached by the malevolent weasels, asking all kinds of lurid questions about his secret male lover!”

“Well, I suppose I’m thankful UNDEAD has never been bothered with that…” trailing off, and looking into the warm haze drifting from his drink, trying to find a solution for all the problems that plagued him.

“With all one’s heart, difficulty is found when you exist among the sea of stars! I am glad I was still able to perform with him as needed, but my wonderful emperor deserved all the eyes on him that he received! It should be expected that some villainous beings wish only to pry apart our blessed memories and tarnish his miraculous existence.”

You can only talk one on one with Wataru Hibiki for so long before one starts to develop a dull headache. Sakuma thankfully held a higher threshold for it than most, but even at some point it can wear on you. “Well, at the least thank you for confirming my fears,” at this point it was difficult to remember why he had summoned Wataru to meet with him, “he is asleep now, but I do not wish to leave it be for so long,” standing to excuse himself.

Wataru sprung up and wrapped Sakuma in a hug, “My friend, my friends! It has been too long! The five of us should assemble again soon! When was the last time we were all in the same place? Have you seen our lovely Shinkai lately?”

“No, but Kaoru-kun sees him often, with Morisawa tagging along. It seems everything is well. Maybe after this storm passes we can get together once again.”

“I bid you adeiu! I must go receive my repercussions once again for not appearing on time for rehearsal, but maybe I will be able to obtain some tickets, you must come see the revue when it is up!”

* * *

Before returning to his apartment for the evening, Sakuma had managed to text Kiryuu letting him know the status of his leader. Expecting to be chastised for acting on his own by the red head, he switched his phone to silent to at least receive his scolding another day. Climbing the stairs, wondering what mess he’s gotten himself into, as he silently enters his apartment. At least this time I can be an adult about things, Sakuma quietly reminds himself, not having spent much extended alone time with Hasumi since Oogami had rebuked them. Someone has to look after him, since he wasn’t going to do it himself.

Turning in for the night, of course Hasumi was sound asleep in the single person futon, so Sakuma found himself his extra blanket and pillow and laid down near his friend. At least his comforter was comfy enough to somewhat support him on the hard flooring. Even if he was mostly running on adrenaline and caffeine now, staring into the nothingness of the ceiling. Not much noise beyond the typical city ambience, but Hasumi’s somewhat often tossing and turning. It must have been a while since he had restful sleep.

It was a lot easier to help his dear children when he was in the confines of their school, he had some power or status there. Able to manipulate events or shows to get people to resolve their conflicts, work together… doesn’t happen in the real world. At least not for what he needs right now.

* * *

“Fuuahh isn’t the weather lovely Keito~!” face mask obscuring the smile he wore, eyes gleaming towards his boyfriend under his hat.

“Eichi… we really shouldn’t be out like this. What if someone spots you?” Flustered and wearing a mask himself, Hasumi responds. Walking together down that expensive street littered with even more expensive cafes and shops. It was a wonderful day out after all, and the faire at the shopping mall on the corner brought out crowds.

Tenshouin smiles and laughs that mischievous laugh of his, “I didn’t plan on it being so busy today! I was just wanting to take advantage of the empty day on my schedule and spend it with my loving boyfriend~”

“Don’t say that out loud!” Even more flustered at the admission from his partner, Hasumi shoves his hands deeper into his pockets and looks across the street. “It was fine to be so flagrant when we were younger, but your too famous now… really Eichi, you should think more for your future. Utterly useless.”

“Don’t you say that out loud,” wrapping one arm around Hasumi’s, luckily not to be pushed off, “you’re cursing me talking about the future! If some tabloid person comes up and accosts us now, then so be it! Fine, solo act, ensemble, I’ve accomplished more than what I wanted. Wouldn’t you think?”

“Wonderful, think about my future then,” Hasumi mutters in response.

“Yes, is that art house treating Akatsuki well? I hope they’re giving your shamisen the time it deserves.”

“They are, thank you very much. Kanzaki seems quite pleased with himself, since they for some reason allow him to swing that dreaded sword around. You would think he’d change after graduating so many years ago…”

“Oh Keito, some times it’s good to retain memories of youth!”

“I’ve retained you, haven’t I?”

Tenshouin stops their walk to beam at his boyfriend, if there is one thing Hasumi exceeds at, it is backhanded compliments. He might as well have been publicly proclaiming his love. Pulling down Hasumi’s mask at the same time as his own, he manages to exact a amorous kiss before the other can do anything. At least they weren’t standing in the middle of the walkway.

Breaking them apart after a passing moment, “You fool! What if- ?! Augh you are utterly incorrigible!”

“If those scummy reporters want to plaster me kissing my boyfriend across those screens or papers then so be it! So be it all! I’ve accomplished what I’ve want, I have enough to the Tenshouin name, I can live peacefully.”

Grouchy and replacing his mask to where it should sit, Hasumi would look cross if it wasn’t for the easy blush across his face, “That’s fine for you _Tenshouin-sama_ , but I still have my own life. Remember the one you pushed me so hard to live? I can’t do anything that could upset Kanzaki and Kiryuu’s futures.”

Wrapping his arm one more time around his paramour, continuing their walk to their destination, the other acknowledges, “That is what makes me the happiest, you chasing your own dreams. Even if I’ve not much time left I can die happy knowing that~”

Once again not wanting to look Tenshouin in the eye, “Don’t speak like that, you’ve been more healthy than normal lately. You went on that tour with no problems. I’d like to think you won’t drop dead without any warning.”

“Wouldn’t that be the best way to do it? Imagine the shock on everyone’s faces. What if I were in the middle of a performance? Well, I’d hate to ruin the smiles and turn them to tears,” facing his own mortality yet again with a grin, “It must happen sooner or later!”  
“How did we get to such a grim topic? We’re supposed to be out on a date,” Hasumi playfully elbowing him, “No matter our age or places I can never escape death with you.”

“To escape death would be to escape me, Keito,” he sings, “and that seems to be the last thing you want to do.”

“True, I’ve completely fallen for an incorrigible fool.”

“I love you too.”

* * *

It’s another consecutive day that Hasumi has awoken in a cold sweat. At least this time, he wasn’t at his family temple. It took him minutes to figure out where he was, mostly empty room, black curtains, crucifixes here and there. Either he ended up in the afterlife of a different religion than he practiced, or he was in Sakuma’s apartment. Dark curtains kept him from being able to ascertain an exact time, but sun managed to creep in telling him it was at least some time after late morning. Normally, he would shuffle himself back under the covers as far as he could. Maybe today would be the day he managed to stay out of bed for longer than twenty minutes. Maybe he should he would shuffle back under that comforter.

Stomach growing for another consecutive day, told him he should at least find some water to do something about his empty hunger. Of course, he didn’t have a glass in here, so he would have to rise and find something in Sakuma’s apartment. If he was lucky, Sakuma would be off doing something, and he would be able to continue not interacting with other humans.

Sadly for Hasumi, he wasn’t so lucky. Stepping out of the room, finding Sakuma curled up under his kotatsu reading something. Groggy and pale were an apt description for Hasumi, standing against a wall, practically glowering at the person who dragged him from his temple – for his own good of course.

“Is it ironic of me to be the one to chastise you for sleeping so late?” Sakuma happily hums, “Well, have a seat if you like. You don’t have to force yourself to eat anything, but I went to buy some actual food.” Wordlessly, Hasumi joins him on one of the cushions. Sakuma gets up towards the small alcove that is his kitchen, “I figure some plain bread and water would help if your stomach has been aching,” returning with those exact items and setting them in front of the other. “As I said however, do not force yourself if you truly can’t. But some sustenance may be needed, you are looking far too gaunt these days.”

He still talks too much. Drinking the offered water, Hasumi also manages to stomach a slice of untoasted bread. At least the softness doesn’t hurt his parched throat. He doesn’t have much to offer conversation however, not knowing why he’s there but also knowing exactly why he’s there. _I can take care of myself_ , he internally argues, but knowing if that was the case he wouldn’t be in this situation. Had he truly been letting himself waste away? Well, why not, after all much of the reason why he pushed so hard forward in life was gone. Maybe it would be for the best if he joined him sooner rather than later. It’s useless to think like that, but tomorrow will be useless too.

Interrupting his destructive thoughts, Sakuma chimes, “I am unsure the exact tenants of your relationship with your religion, Hasumi-kun, but does it prevent hygiene? I hate to be crass, but I wonder when was the last time you bathed?”

What? Incorrigible! What an idiot! That’s really your concern now?! Of course, if he voiced these thoughts, Hasumi’s throat would hurt again much like it did last night. Drinking the last bit of water, he shook his head to answer Sakuma’s question. Why won’t he just leave me be?

Sakuma sighed and rose from his seat, making his way towards the back of his apartment. Shortly, running water could be heard, and Sakuma returns standing next to his friend, extending a hand. Rather than argue, Hasumi stands and follows him back towards his small bathroom to find a tub filled. Small, but the warm water looked inviting. And it was easier than arguing, since he didn’t have the energy for much of anything. After stripping and easing himself into the bath, Sakuma left and returned with a fresh change of clothes and towel for him.

“May I wash your hair for you?” Sakuma asks, balancing himself on the edge of the small bath, “Sorry if it seems infantile, but I feel it would be best for you to not expend so much energy.”

Well, it didn’t seem like a bad idea. He just had to sit there, right? Rather than saying it was fine, Sakuma took the silence as approval. Wetting his hair and running his fingers through it – after rolling up his sleeves – the contact felt nice. Fingers against Hasumi’s tired scalp felt like a relief, unaware of the tension his entire body had been carrying. The slight tingling reminding him he was still here. Shampoo was soon added and the unintentional massage deepened. Had it been so long since another person had shared some warmth with him? It was too kind and caring, something that had been missing for days and weeks. Soon without realizing it, warm tears were rolling down his cheeks and dripping, mixing with the bathwater. Silent tears flowed too easily, pent up and meant to be cried out weeks ago. Shame crept up, crying in front of another person was weak, crying in front of someone he had been in a relationship was weaker, crying over the person he had left Sakuma for was the last thing he wanted to do to him. He expected to be scolded, laughed at, I told you so for loving someone terminally ill. Arms already wrapped around his knees, Hasumi pulled them closer to his chest.

“It’s ok, Keito,” Sakuma whispered, opting for a comforting and familiar tone. Silence filled the air besides the calmly moving water. There is nothing he could say in this moment anyhow, platitudes Hasumi had already heard a thousand times had only meant emptiness, Sakuma was sure. Rinsing him off with warm water felt even more soothing than it normally would have. Hasumi wasn’t one to cry out, make a scene, or draw attention to his emotions; and so, the quiet weeping continued.

“Would you like me to leave you be?” Sakuma softly asked. Hasumi shook his head, asking the other not to leave him here. So, he continued to sit there, somewhat uncomfortably on the tubs thin edge, deftly running his fingers through Hasumi’s damp hair. Doing his best not to invade the other’s personal space. The warm water must have been comforting, Sakuma realized, moving to use the rinse bucket to douse his back and begin to wash. The tension Hasumi had been carrying since everything in his world stopped, became very apparent as Sakuma’s fingers moved over his back. Changing from wash to massage, he tried to ease the knots out of Hasumi’s back.

It was the kindest thing anyone had done for him since the funeral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i never want to write wataru again lol


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> r18 disaster found towards the end of the ch

“Oya, Hasumi-kun, Kiryuu-kun really wants to visit you. You think you’re up for it?”

A week or so had passed since Sakuma had dragged Hasumi out of his temple, and things had been improving. Waking up at somewhat regular hours, eating again, conversing. Not to the same level he would have before everything changed, but at least Hasumi was beginning to resemble his former self.

Moving from the single burner kitchen to the kotatsu, Hasumi set down the two hot drinks he had poured. “I don’t know Sakuma… I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”

Setting down his phone from the text he had been reading from the red-head, “Him and Kanzaki-kun are worried about you. Why don’t you at least let them see you with their own eyes? See that you’re still walking this earth.” Hasumi made another unsatisfied face. “Ok, what if rather than you venturing out, the pair visited here?”

“If I don’t have to leave then – “

“Great! I already proposed a visit to them.”

“Sakuma…” another day, another time would have earned a lecture on politeness from Hasumi, but he was still just, so tired. Maybe it would be ok to allow this to happen, apart of him does miss his two friends. Even if he wants to, Hasumi can’t avoid life forever.

Taking the drink Hasumi had poured for him, “Hm… why don’t you go and take a shower? Clear your thoughts and relax. It’ll be some time before they arrive.”

“Fine, that seems best,” resigning himself to leaving the pajamas he’s been wearing for probably too long again, standing to make his way to change.

“Oh, and Hasumi-kun? Thank you for the tea.”

Small kind things like that have been making Hasumi want to smile again.

It was a few hours later, when there was a strong knock on the door. Rising to welcome Kiryuu into his apartment, Sakuma was greeted by a small purple blur almost knocking him off his feet. 

“Hey Sakuma-san,” a somewhat exasperated Kiryuu greeted him.

Behind him was an even more exasperated Otogari, meaning the purple blur was - 

“Hashuuumiiiii-donoooo”

Latched onto his leader was an awkward display of limbs, Kanzaki practically having his face buried into Hasumi’s chest, who had been in the motion of rises to greet their guests now knocked back into a seated position.

“Kanzaki, seriously… Well, it’s really good to see you again danna,” Kiryuu bemused, making his way to the pair and lightly patting Hasumi on the shoulder before taking a seat next to him.

“Hashhuuumi-dono I have been so worrieeeed,” Kanzaki continued to cry.

“Really Kanzaki, this is too much. I’m fine, I’m alive,” simultaneous trying to reassuredly pat him on the head and push him off.

Otogari and Sakuma stood in the entryway feeling a bit out of place. Turning to his senior, “I’m sorry for showing up Sakuma-senpai… I was out with Kanzaki and he received a phone call and-”

“It’s fine Adonis, why don’t we give this trio some space?”

In agreement they stepped outside to the balcony entryway, closing the door behind them. Two silent creatures stood there, simply observing the weather, trying not to pay attention to the ruckus the others were creating.

“Sakuma-senpai… you know Oogami has been quite worried about you. Has everything been ok…” he trailed off quietly.

“You mean having Hasumi-kun staying here?” An avoidant expression on Otogari’s face confirmed it, “Please tell Koga to stop avoiding me and come over. I’m sorry I’ve made your home life trouble.”

Otogari shook his head, “We’ve been worried is all.”

“Such wonderful children I have,” musing out loud, “Please tell Koga to come over soon, we have some new music we need to work on.”

That inquisitive light returned to Otogari’s eyes, “Yes! Of course Sakuma-senpai, I’m looking forward to it!”

Lightly laughing, the pair stepped back into the apartment. Kanzaki had both stopped crying and removed himself from Hasumi’s side. Kiryuu had his phone out and a large smile across his face, “Oi, Sakuma-san! We decided to return to the livehouse! You’ll come right?”

“Oya, what’s this Hasumi-kun? You wish to sing again?”

“Ah well,” nervously adjusting his glasses, “the way Kiryuu presented it… it sounds like it would be a good idea to return to the things I enjoy.”

“Adonis you must come too!” Kanzaki shouted at his other half, tears only having been messily dried.

Looking to his leader, Sakuma answered for him, “Well, if Akatsuki returns to the stage so shall Undead. Our fates are so intrinsically intertwined, after all.”

“That sounds good Sakuma-san,” Kiryuu practically beamed up at him.

* * *

Rather than attending Akatsuki’s first show since everything, Oogami deemed it would be a good time for him and Sakuma to hammer out the vocals and guitar for their new song he was putting together. At least it’d keep him from shitty glasses for a while, Oogami argued. At least Sakuma had been more responsible than the last time the duo had gotten together. For someone who tends to think cynical, he tried to put that positivity into figuring out the next bridge in the song they were working on. Friendly bickering back and forth is what the pair excels at, trying different harmonies, changing lyrics at the other’s suggestions. Finally, a practice that needed to happen on Oogami’s terms.

It was hours after they had started that Oogami’s cell phone started going off. Begrudgingly resting his guitar, and reaching for his phone to answer, “…oi Rei, it’s Kiryuu.”

“Oya~? For me?” Reaching over to answer the call, “Kiryuu-kun, why not ring my phone?”

“I have been, you idiot.” Ah whoops, it must be on silent. “Listen, can you come to our show? Now?”

“Ah is the crowd small, my friend? I can rally UNDEAD and some others to attend.”

“No, I had to cancel the rest of our performance. It’s danna.”

If it was bad enough for Kiryuu to be the one to make the decision to pull the rest of the show… Sakuma hung up the phone with a dreadful look.

“What’d he do now,” Oogami barked, obviously not willing to give up his practice time with his leader.

Sakuma shook his head in response, “I should go, I’m sorry Koga.”

Oogami stood and packed up his guitar, “I’m comin’ with then.”

It was only a few stops before they exited the train and made their way down the alley to the usual Akatsuki venue. Crowd was milling about, but now performance to be seen as Oogami and Sakuma made their way inside. Kiryuu flagged them down near the door to the backstage, and after some arguing, the staff allowed them to enter. 

“So, what is the problem, Kiryuu-kun?”

“Look, I don’t like that Oogami is here, and I don’t need you spoutin’ off ‘bout this,” he practically threw daggers at the spoken of target who just argued ‘too bad!’ back. “Bartender gave him some free drinks, y’know, considering everything.” Already a bad sign. “And he just, didn’t stop. You remember, huh?”

He did remember, Oogami too.

Rounding the hallway to the green room, they were greeted with a particularly frantic Kanzaki. Trying to tend his best to his leader, getting him to drink water, or eat  _ something _ . But Hasumi was already a sloppy drunk, pointing a wavering finger at his unit mate telling him, Maybe  _ you _ need to eat something Kanzaki!

“Hasumi-dono, please stop arguing with me!” trying to push the bottle of water in his face further.

But Hasumi shoved it away, “you should be offering me more sake Kanzaki! When was the last time we drank together! Never!! It’s always just me ‘n Kiryuu!” Moving to stand and drag Kanzaki to the bar with him, but Kiryuu firmly gripped his shoulder and forced him back to his seat. “Kiryuuuuu…”

“Look, I called Sakuma like you asked.”

“Ugh why is that shitty dog here too…”

“Shitty dog?! Oi, I don’t gotta put up with your shit now that we’re equal shitty glasses!”

“You’re too loud dog…don’t you have a tail to go chase… Kanzaki do something about it.”

Looking completely helpless between the lot of them, Kanzaki looked towards Oogami wordlessly. “Fine, c’mon Kanzaki, let’s go call Adonis or something,’” Oogami took the still slightly smaller one with an arm around his shoulder, digging for his cell phone in his other pocket.

Sakuma rested on his heels at Hasumi’s feet, “Oh Hasumi-kun, what have you done?”

“Nothing!” A red flush not only from drink appeared on his face. “Kiryuu’s friend wanted to drink to Eichi – you know I couldn’t say no!” 

Still resting on his heels, Sakuma brought his chin to rest on his knees. Staring up at his friend, trying to figure out what is the best thing to do in this situation.

“He couldn’t sing, let alone play his shamisen,” Kiryuu offers, “It was a mess. I couldn’t have Akatsuki lookin’ like that. Audience already saw too much,” looking down at his feet, was it possible he felt ashamed? Pushing Hasumi to come back to the stage so soon.

“Do you want to go back to your home?” Sakuma asked, implying he would take him back to his family temple, but Hasumi shook his head in disagreement. “Well, it has been a while. I’m sure they’re worried…”  _ or maybe Hasumi is worried he caused too much of a scene today _ . “Do you want to go back to my apartment?” Hasumi abruptly stood, causing Sakuma to fall back a little. “Ok fine, but you’re still in your performance outfit. Kiryuu-kun, could you help me here? I fear it might be a little difficult to get him into something more versatile for leaving.”

After fighting with Hasumi who definitely didn’t want to help his own cause, they managed to get him out of his kimono and makeup and into street wear. Navigating one of the last trains home, which were definitely packed for a Saturday night, the pair parted ways with Kiryuu at a station change. Sakuma gripped Hasumi’s hand so they wouldn’t get separated in the crowd. Alcohol still clearly on Hasumi’s breath, just how much did he drink? Standing too close to each other on the last train before their stop as it was crowded, but Hasumi’s drunkenness just blended in with the others on the train that night. Luckily, he wasn’t a loud and annoying drunk like some of the salaryman, but he kept his grip tight in Sakuma’s hand. Sometimes grabbing at his waist or back to steady himself on the other. Sometimes resting his forehead or chin on Sakuma shoulder, to the point where he could feel Hasumi’s breath on his neck.

“Are you going to be ok my dear friend?”

“Mmm I’m fine…” he murmured directly into Sakuma’s shoulder. Well, at least he could manage to keep Hasumi upright and his hand tightly held onto the strap to keep them both standing. 

Finally, their stop came, and they made their way down the streets and alleys, past business districts into neighborhoods. Hands still tightly wrapped together like they may fall apart at any second. Climbing the stairs together towards Sakuma’s second floor apartment, he turned the key and they both managed to kick off their shows. Sakuma set their bags down and turned to help Hasumi take off his jacket. Who just laughed in his face.

“Rei, why are you already trying to take my clothes off? That desperate?”

“Say that to me when I’m sober, maybe, Hasumi-kun,” Sakuma deftly answered, moving to hang up their jackets. “We should get you cleaned up and into bed, follow me.”

Making their way into the tiny bedroom, Sakuma unfurled the futon Hasumi had been sleeping in. Before he could unfurl the futon Oogami leant him, he found himself being pushed down onto his knees. “Hasumi-kun, what was that for?” Turning around to face Hasumi, trying not to sound angry, more so that he was shocked from the sudden movement of his intoxicated friend.

“Mm… Rei always takes such good care of me,” Hasumi pleaded out, joining Sakuma on the futon and wrapping his arms around the other’s torso, somewhat burying his head in Sakuma’s chest. “Why are you caring for me, Kiryuu could too you know…”

After an awkward moment of silence, Sakuma is patting Hasumi’s head once again, “Because Tenshouin asked me to.”

That embrace grew tighter until Hasumi blurted out, “I don’t want to hear his name!” Clearly still heavily intoxicated, he pulled back from Sakuma and inched closer between the spread legs. “I don’t want to think about him,” pushing his face closer towards Sakuma.

It was sudden when Hasumi pressed his lips onto Sakuma’s, and clumsy. It tasted like a crisp amazake. Arms straddled each side of Sakuma as Hasumi tried to drunkenly kiss him deeper and deeper, tongue working in and not being terrible aware of his own teeth. Giving up and biting the other’s lip till they both could taste copper.

“Hasumi-kun, you’re very intoxicated,” Sakuma contended, half heartedly trying to stop him from making another mistake. 

“Thank you for stating the obvious, wise oddball Sakuma Rei,” he teased before sinking in for another messy kiss. He figured, if he allowed Sakuma to speak again he’d just keep arguing. So he clumsily started removing the other’s clothes as he kept him occupied with his tongue.

Pushing them apart again, “Keito,” he firmly spoke, “I don’t want you to feel like you’ve made another mistake.” 

“My entire life since has been one mistake after another,” pushing a half-clothed Sakuma down, “Let me make another so I can at least feel something for once.”

“Keito – “

“It’s not like you don’t want it.” 

Wanting to argue about his exact feelings for Hasumi, but being unable to once he felt their teeth graze his nipple. It’s not like they forgot how to distract him. Before he could decide if he did want to, Hasumi had already managed to remove his pants and any remaining garments. He was so intoxicated he could barely help dress himself, but some kind of determination and adrenaline kept him working to get what he wanted.

Not like this, Sakuma internally argued, he still felt guilty having lingering feelings for him while Hasumi was experiencing such anguish. Already made peace with the fact that he could never be on the same level as Tenshouin for him. Not like this, but exactly like this, is the only way things ever seem to happen between them. A replacement for someone Hasumi couldn’t or wouldn’t have. Struggling with coming to terms with himself while Hasumi’s hand interrupted his thoughts, zealously working him into an erection. 

“Keito, please – “ Sakuma called out breathily.

“Hey, Rei, where do you keep lube.”

So crass and blunt. 

Sakuma gestured towards the short chest of drawers near the end of the futon. As he listened to Hasumi search, he stared at the ceiling. Unintentionally out of breath, intoxicated from touch. He could get up and leave now, but he was already feeling somewhat overwhelmed and somewhat charmed. It was what felt like only a second before a cold, slick finger entered him. Answering with an affirmative cry.

Biting along his pelvic bone, some leaving bruises, “Rei, you’re too tense. Do you want me to hurt you? Is that what you would like? Pain is pleasure right?”   
Isn’t that…? 

“If you want to hurt me,” he breathes, “then tie me up, choke me, take it out on me, Keito.”

Somehow, this admission riles him up even more. Two fingers now, not being gentle. Rather than purely preparation, Hasumi makes Sakuma cry out exactly how he wants to see.

That was good enough for Hasumi. Kicking off the rest of his clothes, the other realizing he had already been tending to himself while stimulating Sakuma. Without any warning, Hasumi grabbed Sakuma’s splayed knees, pulling him up exactly where he needed him to be. No warning before he pushed in as deeply as he could, earning a cry that could take some difficulty to discern between pain and passion. Resting in that tentative position, hungrily eyeing the bite marks he left and Sakuma writhing from feeling too full.

“What, do you want me to stop?” Leaning over, taking Sakuma’s chin in his hand to lift him up to meet his lips. But Sakuma didn’t answer back, so Hasumi kept him in that uncomfortable position, back bent at an uncomfortable angle, as he began pushing hard back into him over and over again. Pushing both of them closer and closer.

Sakuma reached a hand up through the tangling of their limbs. Finding Hasumi’s face, and running a finger along a cheek bone. The gentlest action to occur that evening. 

Instead of embracing the softness, Hasumi slapped his hand away, and pinning his wrist down. “Don’t you dare.”

Was it anger or lust in those eyes now?

_ I should… stop him. Stop this. Stop us _ . He tried to think, to tell himself it was the right thing to do, but Hasumi kept hitting that exact spot he needed. Being distracted from his own thoughts with just how good everything feels, letting the other continue to use him, and roughly so. As he deserves. There were no signs of slowing, only Hasumi considering for himself. Thanks to the constant force and pressure, Sakuma came unexpectedly before the other, thighs practically shaking, insides tightening around Hasumi. If he was kinder, he would have recognized how overstimulated Sakuma would have felt and slowed his pace. Instead, he kept it up.

It was what felt like hours, but actually only moments, before Sakuma felt hot tears dripping onto his face. Hair obscuring the other’s eyes and his hands pinning Sakuma at the shoulders, probably bruising them. Finding some energy, Sakuma managed to raise both his hands and gently grasp Hasumi’s face. One of Hasumi’s hands found Sakuma’s, and soon after he could feel that obscenely intimate and sudden warmth from Hasumi inside him. 

Another day, another lifetime, maybe they could have let themselves enjoy this. Sakuma feeling too much guilt and conflict for his feelings for the other when they aren’t clearly in the right place of mind. Tears kept falling as they separated. Sakuma managed to keep his hands holding Hasumi’s face, trying to comfort him.

Hazy eyes matching a hazy headspace, fog only thickening, as Sakuma once again tries to find the answers. Holding the crying face of his dear friend, lover, confidant. Trying to calm him down, and stop the tears, resting their foreheads together. Whispering plaintive shushes. What could he say. Sakuma could only guess at the reasons, Tenshouin being at the top of the list. Tenshouin leaving him behind to pick up the pieces, regret, fear, the complication that was Sakuma. No words being exchanged, just silence. Sitting together, foreheads pressed together. Any comforting words Sakuma could think of, he already knew the argument Hasumi would toss back. 

Maybe this wasn’t a situation he could fix.

After some time the tears finally stopped, cleaning up, and calming down. Sakuma slipped under the futon after his shower, and wrapped his arms around the already sleeping Hasumi. At least some mild comfort before rising in the morning to face themselves.

Maybe.

But when the sun rose, there was only one person to be found under that blanket. Sleepily rising to find that some time before he awake, Hasumi had left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh god what a disaster i had a hard time writing this sorry all around


	10. Chapter 10

“Keito~ would you stop fussing, everything is fine! You worry too much.”

“Someone has to worry about you, since you don’t seem to worry about yourself.”

“Ah, worry about myself is only a waste of time when I have so much to do! I can rest when I’m dead.”

“I swear Eichi, every time you make a joke about your mortality I lose years on my life.”

“Hm hm, maybe I’m just trying to make you pass when I do~”

Taking his glasses off, Hasumi tries not to let a loud groan escape as he holds the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. It never changes just how incorrigible Eichi is, particularly around him. There’s something about Hasumi that seems to always bring it out in the other.

“Please relax Keito, our friends will be here soon! Ah in fact,” a chiming of the bell as the cafe door swung open, “there they are now.”

“Eichi-sama~!” rang out as Himemiya Tori skipped towards the table, quickly hugging his dearest friend. Fushimi Yuzuru bringing up the rear, not much had changed in the dynamic since Hasumi and Tenshouin had graduated.

“Ah my favorite Tori, and Fushimi-kun, I’m so glad you could meet us,” patting Himemiya’s head just like old times, until the broke apart and the new duo slipped into the opposite booth seat.

“Of course we would not miss it, even if Bochama runs behind schedule,” trying not to dip his head into a bow like he had been so accustomed.

“Idiot! We’re not behind schedule! The interview just went long!” chastising his partner as he begin to sort out what to order for their lunch.

“Fushimi, good job as usual keeping this kid on point,” Hasumi praised him.

“Of course,” another dip of the head, “Since he refuses all other managers.”

“It’s not my fault no one is as good as you, Yuzuru!”

“I take that praise highly young master.”

Sitting back to take in the air of friendship, Tenshouin quietly laughed, “Who knew your relationship could be such a selling point~” teasing his past underclassmen.

“Of course,” Hasumi smiled only slightly sadistically to his partner, “that Master and Servant relationship is really popular with a certain type of girls.”

“Both of you! Terrible! You’re terrible!”

“Young Master protests, but you cannot argue the amount of sales we’ve been able to generate for our latest single.” Turning to Himemiya, “Really, would you like to go solo Bochama?”

Begrudgingly looking Fushimi pointedly in the eye, “No. I need slave's abilities.”

“Thank you for understanding Bochama.” And more laughter can be found in that booth.

“Changing the subject!” Himemiya, trying not to pout, “Eichi-sama I saw your performance on TV yesterday~ you shined so brightly!”

“Your words are too kind for me, my wonderful Tori~”

“It is true, we would love to go on tour again with you, wouldn’t we Bochama?”

“Yes! Yuzuru and I were discussing it this morning over breakfast. We want to sing with Eichi-sama again!”

“My my that does sound wonderful. It would be lovely to have a Fine reunion. It’s a shame Wataru is off in some foreign country right now~”

“We don’t need shitty long hair.”

“What was that Bochama? You miss Wataru-senpai too?”

Ignoring the banter Tenshouin turned to face Hasumi at his side, “You know. Akatsuki should join me one day, your popularity could grow beyond what you know now.”

“I’ve told you before I’ll tell you again Eichi,” adjusting his glasses once more as if this is a conversation they have often, “We’ll grow on our own. We don’t need to ride the back of the Tenshouin name.”

It must be some kind of reassurance, Tenshouin was looking for, even after all these years that Hasumi wasn’t with him for some other reason than himself. A comforting argument to have. “I’m glad then. I’ll continue supporting you as much as I can - of course without drawing attention,” before the other could argue with him again.

“Yes well… that is what makes me the happiest. Thank you Eichi.”

“Ugh would you two stop flirting. You’re making Yuzuru uncomfortable!”

“Bochama, please do not be so rude.”

* * *

“Ou-samaaa there’s a filthy bug that got in here, kill it.”

“What?! A bug?! Sena do something!!!”

“Morons… it’s just Kuma-kun’s brother,” Izumi Sena, trying to peel Tsukinaga Leo off of him, who had latched onto the other hearing of a ‘bug’ infiltrating the green room of the concert. They had just exited the hallway leading from backstage from one of their numerous encores of the night. Sweaty, tired, exhilarated. Each member of Knights wore a similar look Sakuma himself was familiar with.

Finally recognizing his old friend with a shout of “Rei!!!” Tsukinaga leapt from Izumi to Sakuma.

“Ah, forgive me for sneaking in, I came to see my lovely little brother.”

“Rittsu! Rittsu! Stop ignoring us, come here, visit your brother!” Chastising his unit mate before running off to who knows where, Izumi, following him with Narukami and Tsukasa following suit after acknowledgement.

After sitting down in one of the arm chairs and somehow managing to sprawl out in the seat, Sakuma Ritsu lazily drawled out, “Why are you here bothering me Anija? Did I not send you the check for rent?”

Ouch. Something his lovely Ritsu never forgets to remind him of, “No of course not, your onii-chan is forever grateful for the kindness you shower on me.”

“You better never forget it either. Lest I have to listen to Mother’s complaining about your uselessness. Hurry up and sell an album so you can stop being so pathetic.”

“Ritsu you’re still so mean to me. I just needed to talk to someone.”

“You have a dog for that.”

“Wanko doesn’t listen to me like that. He’s a man now you know? If we call him a dog he might show up and kill both of us,” of course his brother didn’t offer him a seat, so he pulled up one of the other chairs to sit near him.

“What do you want Anija.”

“I screwed up again, you understand how your brother is.”

“Disappearing for a year screwed up, or unable to keep your dick in your pants screwed up?”

If there is one thing Sakuma Ritsu is good at, it’s holding a grudge.

“At this point it should be both,” crossing his arms against the table near them and burying his head in that space. “Did you go to Tenshouin’s funeral?”

“I did - you weren’t there.”

A muffled groan of ‘I know’ followed by, “How was it?”

A moment of silence hung in the air, punctuated by shouts from Tsukinaga in the next room over. Gathering himself, the younger Sakuma answered, “It was good. For a funeral. Everyone was there… Hasumi lead it, as stoic as possible. Too much crying, it was annoying. Except when Wataru unleashed doves out of nowhere, that was great.”

A small laugh parted the other’s lips, “How did Hasumi-kun take that?”

“He didn’t do anything, it was really weird Anija.” Of course. “Wait, you screwed around with him again? You’re really a filthy bug. He’s Ecchan’s toy you know?”

Burying his head in his arms further, “You found me out, my lovely, perceptive Ritsu.” And the younger flicked his brother’s head, hard. “I deserve that.”

“You’re still a mess Anija, what am I supposed to do with you?”

“Just leave me to perish in that apartment, thank you.”

“I can’t, you owe me at least four new violin pieces before then.”

“Ah, a reason to live, I knew I could count on my loving Ritsu~”

“Shut up idiot, did you really come here for love advice? You’re more pathetic than usual.”

Lifting his head up and rising his arms to stretch, “But, you’re so much more experienced than I. Please tell your stupid Onii-chan what I should do. Hasumi-kun drank too much and wanted to fool around the night before last. The next morning he was gone. Do I need to go into the specifics?”

“Absolutely do not you filthy bug. You really ruined things. Why didn’t you stop him? Anija is really an idiot.”

Faking tears and hiding behind his hands, Sakuma pretended to wail, “Uuu Ritsu how can you be so mean. Please tell this idiot what to do.”

Taking pleasure in watching his older brother suffer just a little, the smug look on the younger softened, “Ecchan’s dead, Anija. You should do whatever you want. It’s that Hasumi who is an idiot you know? From all Ecchan would blather on about him, they really loved each other I guess,” the sigh he let out explaining his exasperations, “But he’s dead. Do you think Hasumi cares only about him? The whole school might have been oblivious, but it isn’t like I couldn’t tell. You can care about more than one person, idiot. He’ll just have to learn to deal with it.”

Now real tears started in the corner of Sakuma’s eyes, as he moved to wrap his brother in an unwanted hug, “How is my little Ritsu so good to me? How are you so knowledgeable! Oh my Ritsu, I love you so much.”

“Anija if you do not let me go I will burn the next check for rent in your face.”

* * *

Reciting sutras was the best thing he could be doing now, Hasumi supposed. Finding himself back at that place he called home. Maybe it wasn’t a tenant found within his religion, but a cultural tradition, he was found sitting in front of the shrine to Tenshouin he had assembled. Not any different from a shrine you would find in any other’s home where a loved one has passed on. Freshly lit incense filled the air with pleasant smoke, mixing with the words Hasumi quietly chanted. He could do this all day, he used to do this in service to his family’s business, he has been doing this all day. At least this time he was managing to take care of himself and not sleep constantly.

On the other hand, he felt even guiltier than he had ever been. If he sits there long enough, maybe his apologies will reach Tenshouin, completely contradicting the view he was raised with that there was no afterlife. Maybe he didn’t want to admit that his actions here were pointless. but there was an ache in his heart telling him he had to repent.

That ache only tightened when the door slid open.

“It took you long enough to show up,” a terrible greeting to Sakuma standing in the doorway.

“Well,” moving inside to sit next to Hasumi, “Running away tends to be my specialty.”

“I’m surprised you even came.”

“Truth be told,” Sakuma drawing his hand to chin to lean on, “I visited my little brother yesterday. I didn’t think I should come. But... Ritsu talked me into it.”

“Impressive, he became more than a pretty face. I’m surprised he didn’t tell you to get lost.”

Smiling towards the somewhat backhanded compliment for his brother, “Things got better a few years ago. I wouldn’t say we patched things up, but I at least understand Ritsu better. It’s all my fault really, as it usually is.”

That last line wasn’t meant to sting Hasumi, but it did. “Rei,” name and hesitation dancing on his lips, “What I did to you the other night. I’m sorry.”

Hasumi continued to stare straight ahead, not looking at to who he was speaking. Lifting his chin off his hand after a few moment, Sakuma responded to the awkward apology, “No Hasumi-kun. I don’t know exactly what you remember but… you were right. I did want it too.”

“This is really too crass to talk about in front of… this,” gesturing towards the small shrine of his beloved. “Really, how did all of our friends grow up so well, and we’re both still so much of a mess?”

“I think we have both always been a bit of a catastrophe Hasumi-kun.”

“I do not disagree with that,” snickering just a little, the tension Hasumi wore eased just a bit. “May we continue this conversation in my room? I’d rather not,” trailing off and indicating he was referring to the pictures and offerings for Tenshouin.

Rising before the other did, Sakuma reached down and offered his hand to Hasumi, “Let’s.”

One more prayer and the door slid closed behind the pair. Light steps upon the walkway quickly reached Hasumi’s room tucked away in one of the complexes back corners. A blessing in their younger days, and a blessing now.

A futon haphazardly folded, some clothes draped about, to Sakuma this meant that Hasumi, thankfully, hadn’t returned to his depressive self. Settling down, the pair found themselves in silence again, fumbling about in their minds, looking for an opener.

“Hasumi-”

“Rei-”

And both of them found themselves laughing at this stiff start they both made. “We haven’t changed much have we?” Hasumi offered.

“Everyone around us has matured so well, and we’re both still the same,” Sakuma chuckled.

“Just a little older and more… sloppy.”

“Sloppy? Really? A more poetic word not to be found Hasumi-kun?”

“Not that we deserve. How is it we keep ending up here? I’m truly sorry for doing what I did to you, I hope one day you can forgive me.”

Shaking his head in response, and a deep sigh, “I don’t know if you can recall, but you were right. I could have refused you if I truly wanted.”

Another silence permeated the room, accepting the sentiment they both seemed to share but would rather leave unspoken.

“Sakuma… why did you drag me out of this room so many weeks ago?”

Maybe he didn’t remember as much as he thought the other would from the night before last, realizing he was entering dangerous territory, Sakuma decided it would be best to continue with honesty. “In our last few months before graduation, Tenshouin approached me,” and Hasumi grimaced when that name left Sakuma’s lips, “Essentially, he asked me to look after you.” Letting Hasumi’s stressed expression soften for a moment, he continued. “I thought it was an absurd request from our emperor, but I also believe a part of him understood. I may have not done it, if it hadn’t been for you coming for me so many moons ago when things were… difficult.” Facing them to acknowledge their past transgressions.

“Do you think he knew we’d always end up like this?”

“Considering how our DEADMANs was? Only if he chose to ignore it.”

“You know… I actually told him about what happened between us last time.” Sakuma’s interest piqued with a raise of his eyebrows. “I couldn’t bear to live with the guilt, and I didn’t have the option of disappearing like you did. No, I expected him to curse me, to leave me. Instead…” trailing off unsure if he should finish. Only allowing a brief moment of tension to fill the air, “He told me he understood. He was sorry for being gone constantly. Like it was his damn fault.”

Unsure where to fit in, in this revelation, since it was definitely his and Hasumi’s fault, and not Tenshouin’s. Sakuma mused if it was possible that he obtained some sense of humanity after they graduated the academy, not that Sakuma made it any point to keep in contact with him. He faced his own self-believed punishment at the hands of his unit mates, so what kind of punishment had Hasumi sought? It takes two to make the decision they had - even though Sakuma was beholden to no one but his own conscious. The kind of guilt he had wasn’t the same level as Hasumi’s. Was he feeling that same deep guilt again? Had Sakuma made a mistake not trying to clean up the mess they made the first time?

“Are you saying you feel that guilt again?”

“I suppose… that is what it is.” Shifting to find some comfort Hasumi wouldn’t find in this moment, face finding his hands in an attempt to hide and an emphatic sigh heard. “So what am I supposed to do now, Sakuma?”

“That’s not… something I have the answer to, my friend.”

Of course not. “I can never make up my errors to him now. There was so much I wanted to do. It wasn’t supposed to be so sudden,” voice starting to waver once more.

“Oh Hasumi-kun,” death didn’t surround the three of them in adulthood like it did in their youth, not until it claimed one. With Hasumi not being an active practitioner like his family, Sakuma mused, he must have no longer been immune to loss like they had been. Maybe no one was immune to death, they just pretended they were. “I wish there was some serene advice I could offer in this moment. I know what the tenants of Buddhism will tell you, I can offer you the words of Shintoism, but it will not hurt any less. It will hurt a while. A long while.” Hasumi nodding in agreeance, face finding hands again to hide new tears. Sakuma persisted in an attempt to comfort, “do you want to live in hurt and have it be your entire existence? I do not think anyone would like to. Even if my opinion of Tenshouin Eichi is...uncouth, I do not believe that is how he would want you to live. Forgive me if I have overstepped a line.”

A soft whimper barely heard. Wiping tears on the back of his sleeves, Hasumi’s red eyes met with Sakuma, “You haven’t. Somehow you always manage to offer the right words, even if it’s a subject you despise.” Punctuated with a sigh once more, as if his muddled mind is finally beginning to clear, “This is entirely unfair to you. After everything I’ve put you through.”

Leaning back onto the palms of his hands and staring at the plain ceiling in Hasumi’s room, “Do you think I would be here if I did not want to be? Have you forgotten who I am? I tend to do what I like, you understand,” a comfortable smirk developing on Sakuma’s lips, “I’m not here because Tenshouin asked me to look after you. You are capable of looking after yourself. You have your brother, you have Kiryuu and Kanzaki. I am here simply because I care for you Hasumi-kun. Regardless of our individual situations.”

A kindness that Hasumi no doubt believes he does not deserve, and a knot wells up in his chest again as new tears start to develop; yet, he fights them back. “It’s unfair to you how I feel, and unfair to Eichi because I will always love him.”

“I’m not asking anything of you Hasumi-kun, please understand.”

“I do understand. Life would be a lot easier if I could stop loving Eichi. I’m a better man than I would have been, because of him.”

“You speak as if your entire life revolved around Tenshouin.”

Hasumi shook his head, but with a smile, “It’s funny. Does it seem like that? We actually had a big fight in high school about that you know?”

Allowing Sakuma a few moments to think - high school was a while ago after all - he recalled it, “That DreamFes… at the festival. He wanted you to disband...but it was about that?”

“You knew that? Ah well, it is you. But yes, his true motive. He was always worried I sacrificed everything for him. What a fool. If that was the case, do you think I would still be so involved with Akatsuki, Sakuma? Well it’s true, we could probably do more as a group if we catered to the popular, but the three of us are really happy. Happy with keeping our image as it is, and what we’re able to do artistically. Eichi supported us in that…”

It was extremely strange, hearing the human side of the fearsome emperor, even now. All Sakuma could do was sit back and listen, allowing Hasumi to find some happiness in his memories. “You see, that’s how it will be Hasumi-kun. Your memories of your love will never cease as long as you do not allow them to. It is ok to mourn, and you will mourn for...who knows how long. I feel he will be happy as long as you continue to find your happiness.” Hasumi is the one person Sakuma tends not to keep up the image of ‘wizened sage’ with, but somehow it ends up coming out.

“I feel like this is the kind of conversation we should be having on a river bank or watching the sunset,” he laughed. Finally feeling the tension from the past few days leaving his body.

“Ahh Hasumi-kun it is much, much too cold for that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why do i keep hurting myself like this bye


	11. Chapter 11

Parting ways for the day, Hasumi deciding to stay at his family home for at least this evening. If he felt up to it, Sakuma’s apartment would always welcome him; however, now Sakuma had the whole evening to himself. His favorite time of the day, but with no scheduled practice. Maybe I can meet up with Kaoru-kun? It has been too long since it has been just them. Hopefully, he does not have a job today.

And so, Hakaze’s phone buzzed, and buzzed, but he refused to answer it, stuffing it further in his pocket. “Kanata-kun… how is Sakuma-san still stressing me out so much. Even now…” 

“There there…….” languidly reaching across the table to pay his friend’s head reassuringly, “Rei always moves….. how Rei wants to move….. I do not think, that he wants to hurt….”

“Kanata is right! You should talk to him Kaoru-kun!!!”

“Chi~a~ki… do not slam… your fist…. you will scare people.”

“Ahaha sorry Kanata. I just want to help our Kaoru-kun!” It’s hard not to hear Morisawa Chiaki even in the loud bar, luckily they had secured a booth in the back corner, and this particular place had tall dividers.

“You are also……. Drinking. So you are louder,” pushing a finger against his friend’s bright red cheek.

“Seriously Morichii, I didn’t know you could be even louder. Beer should be illegal, only for you,” Hakaze leaned against his hand, tired from dealing with his fears about his unit, and slowly nursing a beer himself. “When I called Shinkai-kun I didn’t know you’d come too.”

“Wherever Ryuusei Blue goes Ryuusei Red follows!” shouting even louder now, practically standing at his chair, before collapsing back into it. “Uuu even though we’re not Ryuuseitai anymore...Kanata I miss our kids,” from happiness to tears, Morisawa still exists purely in extremes. 

“There there Chi~a~ki,” now patting Morisawa’s head, “We just saw…..them yesterday. If you do not stop crying…. then I will chop you.”

Hakaze smiling while sipping his drink, watching Morisawa trying not to hiccup from his burst of tears, while Shinkai softly ‘chops’ him on the head. “Should you two be out tonight? You don’t have work tomorrow?”

Shinkai slowly shook his head, “We record… only Fridays. Unless, we are going… out to a location. Chi~a~ki can sleep in tomorrow.”

“That’s right!” Morisawa suddenly slamming his fist on the table again, “Ryuusei Blue!!! We need to go watch the latest Dan-u!!! Right now! Or we won’t be ready for the show!”

“Morichii you’re yelling again, and it’s only Tuesday.”

“Chi~a~ki will never be calm like me…... He is not blue… he will always be red. Kaoru-kun can be blue...too. Being calm… helps you think about… your problems.”

Before Hakaze could offer a ‘you’re right’ to Shinkai, they’re interrupted with a too loud shout of “FORGIVE ME FOR BEING LATE BUCHOUDONO,” and a purple ponytail draping almost on the table from a too-low bow.

Lazily, and thanks in part to them bowing so low, Shinkai chops Kanzaki squarely on his head, “Souma-kun I told you...I am not… your ‘buchou’ anymore. Please...sit with us.”

“Eh~ Souma-kyun? Why didn’t you tell me you invited him Kanata-kun? I feel tricked.”

“Really it is Chi~a~ki that tricked us…. I wanted a….club reunion.”

“Uwahhhh Kanata!!!” Clinging to his seatmate and wrapping his arms around him as tightly as possible, although Shinkai tried to sound upset, he looked like he couldn’t be happier unless Morisawa was an octopus. 

A somewhat exasperated Kanzaki Souma took the empty seat next to Hakaze, not as unwillingly as he would have if they were still high school age. Nodding towards him with acknowledgement of “Hakaze-dono.”

“Souma-kyun’s become a really good kid, you know?” Hakaze speaking to the two opposite to him, “He finally stopped calling me a disgrace.”

“It’s because you finally stopped acting like such degenerate!” Reaching over him for the electronic menu to order.

“Uuu Kanzaki will you drink with me?” Morisawa reaching out to him and waving a hand in his face, “We’re men now! Kanata talks about you often, I want to have a good time with you too!”

Kanzaki’s pale skin suddenly flush from embarrassment due to the sudden attention, “M-Morisawa-dono has good  _ intenshuns _ but you don’t need to drink to have a good time.” Inputting his order that Hakaze could see included a soda and no alcohol, “Besides it looks like everyone here has drank enough in my stead.”

“Hey now, I’m only nursing this one. It’s refreshing to have a cold beer after work!”   
“It’s just Chi~a~ki…. I do not want… to spend the money for… more blue drinks.”

“That’s right! You’re supposed to have a cold beer after a hard day of work! Ryuusei blue we should work hard tomorrow too! Let’s all work hard!!!!”

Chopping Morisawa for being too loud yet again, “But… Souma does not work. He does not need to worry…..Or drink a cold drink.”

“Ah that’s right,” Hakaze still leaning against his palm, smiling towards Kanzaki as he watched him accept his food and drink from the water, “You’re a lucky kid Souma-kyun. You get to still live at home and not worry about work.”

Morisawa returned to wrapping himself around Shinkai, leaning his head against the other’s shoulder, “Kanata can we go home… I’m really sleepy, let’s go home.”

“Chi~a~ki you used…. too much energy. Again.” Standing up to pull Morisawa up with him. “You can… sleep on me… on the train. Ok?” A whiny nod in agreeance.

Kanzaki looks up at them as he finishes a small bite, “Shinkai-dono and Morisawa-dono live together?”

“Of course,” Shinkai smiled happily as he tried to navigate the sleepy Ryuusei Red into his jacket, “Chi~a~ki can not… take care of… himself. And he is happer…. when I am there.”

“Everyone is coupling up now, what the hell,” Hakaze grumbled managing another drink of his slowly warming beer, “Augh I wish I had some free time. Dammit Sakuma-san, I wanna go out on dates again.”

Saying their goodbyes after leaving some money for their portion of the bill, Kanzaki stated to no one but his own assurance that he was staying because he only just got his food and not to spend time with Hakaze the disgrace. 

“It’s ok Souma-kyun, I still have this drink to finish. I can spend time with you~”

“Please Hakaze-dono, I wish not to deal with another drunkard!”

“Oof, that’s harsh. I didn’t spend any money on this, Moricchi bought it for me! What do you got against alcohol anyways? C’mon, it’s a past time to drink afterwork,” Hakaze chastises, being completely unaware.

A frustrated Kanzaki with food in his mouth, “Only idiots drink so much, it’s pointless.”

“Ah what’s this?” Helping himself to some of the food on the other’s plate, “Did you have a bad experience with alcohol Souma-kyun?”

“Absolutely not! It’s just…” Kanzaki isn’t one to look forlorn.

Immediately noticing the change of mood, Hakaze softly asks, “Hey, what’s up? This isn’t like you. You can complain to me Souma-kyun.”

Shaking his head in an attempt to not feel so helpless, “It’s true, Adonis says Hakaze-dono has become quite  _ respanseble _ ,” sighing and pushing his plate a bit out of reach of the other, “it is something someone like I should not be complaining about. My leader has been unstable and I am  _ dishapointed _ .”

“Ah, Hasumi huh…” taking a long drink of his now warm beer, “Yeah understand frustrating leaders. Sakuma-san was really unreliable for a while too. He got over it after we talked to him though. Everyone has a moment like that, I think.”

“Maybe you are right. I do not know the details, but Hasumi-dono had difficulties after graduation. And now it seems he is having similar issues. Kiryuu-dono tells me not to worry so much!”

“Haha, Kanata-kun was telling me the same thing before you came. Maybe we’re having the same issues.”

“Is Sakuma-dono causing problems too?”

Flustered and caught in his complaints, Hakaze waves him off, “it’s not that! He’s been very on top of things, I am just worried because he’s worried. About your leader!”

“Oh… I am sorry for the trouble from Hasumi-dono…”

“No Souma-kyun, you don’t need to apologize,” patting him on the back, “Hasumi’s situation is understandable I think. You know him and Sakuma were childhood friends too? Maybe Sakuma feels some kind of responsibility…”

A little bit of the stress left Kanzaki’s brows, finding his appetite again, “Really, childhood friends? That is  _ unbeleevable _ . I thought it was because they were involved.”

“Ah well… I don’t want to know the details about that. But don’t be so hard on Hasumi you know? Grief is hard. You’re lucky, you get to live at home and your parents love you. The world isn’t so nice to everyone.”

“Yes… I’m really lucky after all…” 

“Ahh I have complaints too ya know? Such is being an adult I guess,” leaning back and stretching out behind Kanzaki. “So much easier when we were in school!”

“Do you not have many girls coming to your show’s Hakaze-dono? It seems you’re still a disgrace after all.”

“Ughhh so mean Souma-kyun~!”

* * *

Another night, another group dinner for UNDEAD at Sakuma’s apartment. Oogami arriving before the other two, letting himself in with his own key. The ease at which all the members of UNDEAD come and go from this apartment, it might as well be all of their’s, than just Sakuma’s. Usual complaints of ‘the train was too crowded,’ or ‘I’m hungry,’ peppered the conversation as the two of them set up the kotatsu for soon to be arriving other members and food. When they did finally arrive, Sakuma and Oogami had been looking over new music the former had been writing. 

It felt as if Hasumi hadn’t been staying in the apartment as recent as the week before last, gone now conversation returning to each other’s days and plans for the unit. Oogami’s usual complaints of ‘we should be doing more!’

“What is it you want corgi? We did the guerrilla live, it went great. Lots of people watched us.”

“Yes Koga, it takes time before new fans begin to come to our shows.”

“I don’t know! I just feel like we’re better! We’re better than what we’re booking!”

“Oh I’m sorry corgi,” light venom drips in Hakaze’s retort, “is my management not good enough for you? Please feel free to take over anytime.”

“Augh it’s not that idiot. We should be doin’ as good as Knights. Better than them!”

“Oogami, its not good to compare yourself,” Otogari trying to calm his friend down.

Some silence filled with utensils clicking against plates, Sakuma finally spoke up, “I understand Koga’s frustrations. I too want our music to reach many ears.” 

“Thank you!”

“But I am not sure how much we can keep doing with our current avenues of visibility. We should attempt something new…”

“And do you have anything in mind Sakuma-san?”

“Unfortunately…”

Silence hit that room again, punctuated with some grumbling from Oogami, until his phone starting buzzing. Pulling it out from his pocket and reading the message, a tiny smile formed, “Hey Adonis, wanna goto that show again?”

“Oh, already? Yes that sounds quite fun Oogami.”

“Hey, don’t leave us out,” Hakaze pouted, “where are you two going? Maybe Sakuma-san and I would like to come.”

“Don’t just invite yourself! It’s some stupid variety show anyways. The Aoi twins texted me.”

“Oh, my wonderful children?” Sakuma interjected, “You still talk to them? That is so kind Koga~”

“Hey, it’s not like that. Someone had to take over the music club after you left.”

“Yes it seems the two twins became quite proficient in comedy, they make me laugh quite often,” Otogari stated very matter-of-factly.

“Wait Oogami, what kind of show is this?”

“It’s just a comedy show they host, sometimes they have extra seats in the audience and ask me ‘n Adonis to come.”

“Oogami…”

“Koga... “ both Sakuma and Hakaze having the same idea, “Are you saying the Aoi twins host a television show? Is this… a show we could go on?”

“Huh? What are you talkin’ ‘bout.”

“Doggie. You… had this in your pocket the entire time. Yet you complained.”

Poor Otogari, utterly confused between his friends yet somehow deciphering their words, “Are you saying we should be on the show? But it is a comedy show, not a music show Hakaze-senpai.”

“Adonis-kun, surely you must have learned that a musician must be a showman too,” Sakuma mused, “Koga, can you share this show with me? I must ask you to contact the Aoi twins. It would be too rude for myself to approach them-”

When the handle of the apartment door turned enough to catch the four’s ears, before the door slowly swung open.

“What the hell, an intruder?!”

“Hakaze did you not lock the door?”

“Adonis you’re scary looking do something!”

Hasumi Keito somehow managed to thoroughly shock at least three members of UNDEAD, as he crossed the threshold, “Sakuma, excuse me your door is unlocked- what the hell is that knife for Otogari?!” 

Rising to meet the new guest, Sakuma bowed just a little, “Forgive these three fools Hasumi-kun, but of course you could have contacted me first?”

“Yeah well… I didn’t expect your door to be unlocked and I could hear Oogami yelling…” allowing Sakuma to take one of two bags from him, “I am sorry to intrude, it seems I have interrupted dinner.”

“Yeah well you’ll have to go get your own!” Oogami barked towards him.

“Noisy puppy, but it’s true Hasumi we ate everything.”

“Ah I am fine thank you, I brought something for...” was it for us? Peering in the bag Sakuma realized Hasumi must have thought ahead to buy some food and ingredients to cook in his too small kitchenette.

“It is fine, Hasumi-kun. We were just about done,” turning back to face his unit mates, “Koga, can I count on you to contact them?”

“Yeah yeah whatever.”

“Truly wonderful~”

Sorting himself out Hasumi watched as Otogari and Hakaze began cleaning up their belongings. Sakuma had taken the little bag of groceries he had bought towards his kitchen, so Hasumi followed him, where he found him already sorting out the things. 

“Ah it is so thoughtful of you to go buy some real food for this pitiful household.”

“Well… you offered me to stay here so it was the least I could do.” 

Purposefully bumping Hasumi, Oogami carried in plates towards the sink to perform the ritual he shared with Sakuma of rinsing and drying the dishes. “So you just walk in and plan on stayin’ here again huh? Guess I don’t need to to take him that futon tonight.”

“Yes… I appreciate you lending it out, Oogami.”

Facing their backs now as he watched Sakuma and Oogami tend to the dishes in unison, it was a few moments of clattering before Oogami spoke, without turning to face Hasumi. “You know, I’m not mad at you two for Hasumi stayin’ here. I get it.”

“Oh? What is this Koga?” Setting down a dish with a look towards his friend, who pointedly, did not look him in the eyes.

“Shit’s rough ok? Like... I know it’s not the same but. When Leon passed away shit was really hard, living alone. I was really glad when Adonis decided to move in with me. That quiet was the worst ok?”

“Oogami…” sympathy was not something you would expect from UNDEAD’s rough around the edges wolf.

“Koga-kun, that is really the cutest… although comparing a human to Leon.”

“HEY! I’m trying ok!” Turning around to face the both of them at the same time, soapy hands dripping everywhere, “Just! Don’t fuck it up! Ok? Shit’s really hard! I don’t know how else to say it, don’t fuckin’ look at me like that.”

Something about Oogami’s bewildered expression made Hasumi laugh, which in turn, made Sakuma laugh too. “This is not the DEADMANs reunion I imagined, but it is so revitalizing to see you two together~”

“Shut the hell up Rei!”

“It’s ok Oogami, I appreciate your words, as somewhat odd they are,” stifling a small laugh again.

“Yeah, whatever. Saved me the hassle of carrying that futon home tonight,” mumbling as he handed the last few washed dishes to Sakuma to be dried, before finding another towel to dry his hands. The moment of stiff silence interrupted when Otogari came round the corner announcing that him and Hakaze was ready to leave. Saying their goodbyes, Sakuma waved them out the front door as Hasumi hung back, finding some small snacks he had bought for them. 

Stillness in the apartment now until Sakuma found his way back towards the small kitchenette. Finding two cups and moving towards the water boiler, “Hasumi-kun can I offer you some tea?” A nod of agreeance and after a few moments of steeping tea they both moved to the short table that UNDEAD just occupied. If you asked, they both would answer the situation felt a little odd. “After everything, I am glad you decided to come stay again, Hasumi-kun.”

“Yes well, thank you for the offer. I apologize for my continued disruption.”

Tittering into his after dinner tea, “No need to be so formal my dear friend, I appreciate your company. Truth be told, I was worried you would feel too uncomfortable.”

“Ah well, I guess I felt the same worry,” rubbing the back of his neck with a sheepish look, “I should have contacted you first, but I remember how you are about technology.”

“Well, I have gotten better thanks to Hakaze and Koga,” a pause to allow a drink, “But forgive me for asking when I was the one who offered, what made you decide to come back here?”

Somehow trying to allow himself a moment to think, Hasumi shifted in his seat and adjusted his glasses, removing them to clean as if a reason to not look at the other as he answered, “It was uncomfortable… the silence in my room. My family has no need for me to assist with duties anymore so… anyhow, it’s easier if I don’t exist to them.”

Staring into his own drink, how does one answer that? Although not a similar situation, Sakuma understands what it is like to be an inconvenience to one’s family, “And here I was selfishly worrying it was because you did not wish to be around me.”

Finishing the last bit of the mild sencha, “No, if anything your presence has been a comfort Sakuma, I’m truly glad. Kiryuu offered too, but he has his sister to look after. And...from my understanding, Itsuki often visits and I would rather not deal with that at this time.”

Yes, it’s hard to imagine exactly how kind Itsuki Shuu could be with his utter dislike for Tenshouin Eichi and the likes. “Well, no need to worry, you’re welcome to stay as long as you like. Just be aware, Koga tends to come and go, they all have keys to this place.”

“It seems UNDEAD managed to stay close, I’m glad to see it.” Finishing the few bites of food and his tea, Hasumi rose from his seat, “I think I’ve worn myself out today, is the futon still in the same place?”

“Ah, yes well,” rising to follow Hasumi to the bedroom, Sakuma followed him in, “Allow me to gather my things,” picking up the spare futon, pillow, and comforter. “Please enjoy the room, I’ll take my solace in the main area. Rest easy, Hasumi-kun.” 

A small part of Hasumi felt a pang of sadness as he watched Sakuma move his bedding away from where they had been sleeping side by side for weeks before. It is not that he came back to this apartment looking for any kind of carnal affair, his hurt was still too fresh. Yet, being able to share his physical space with another was some kind of peacefulness he found himself craving the week he spent in his solitary room at his family residence. Mind still murky from all the stress in his life, Hasumi was unsure with everything, but he did know that the warmth from another was something that offered some kind of serenity his buzzing mind couldn’t find on its own, not now at least. Although they had come to some amicable harmony in regards to their unintentional encounter; that guilty side of Hasumi understood he had no right to expect anything from Sakuma, and the offer to stay in this apartment was more than he deserved.

* * *

“Are you going to sleep all day?”

Hasumi felt a nudging on his shoulder, his face plastered against a soft pillow. Opening his eyes to a brightness he didn’t expect in the morning. Tenshouin leaning over him with a large tray of food.

“Well, I guess it’s brunch in bed now. Come on, scoot over, I’d like to eat too.” Sitting up and making way for his love to sit next to him, after placing the tray over his lap. “Don’t worry, I didn’t cook it, we don’t have to suffer this early in the day.”

“Eichi… for what reason?”

“Well we both managed to have a day off together for one. Also, because I felt like it,” handing Hasumi his glasses that had been resting on the nightstand.

“This is too much you know, you’ll get crumbs in bed and pests will come.”

“Oh shut up Keito, enjoy it,” handing the other a buttered piece of toast.

Resigning himself to a surprise breakfast in bed with the person he shared his life with, was truly one of the happiest things he believed he could experience. More than sharing a stage with Akatsuki. More than painting or playing the shamisen.

“Why are you smiling like that? Did you think of something funny?”

“No it’s nothing, but it’s nice to spend time like this,” leaning his head against Tenshouin’s shoulder, and closing his eyes to take in the sounds, and peace.

“Yes, I missed you too,” smirking as he put his drink back in place. A comfortable silence lasted what felt like ages before Tenshouin spoke, “You know, Keito. What will you do when I’m gone?”

“Hmm?” Not opening his eyes or lifting his head, remaining in place against the warm body of his best friend, confidant, “It’s still another week before you’re back on tour.”

A soft and pleasant hand found his chin, lifting him up, and forcing Hasumi to look up towards Tenshouin. “Oh Keito, you know what I mean.”

Sitting up now and not leaning on that pliant hand, “What’s with this finality all of a sudden? I saw your recent doctor’s report. Nothing abnormal.”

“You know they say a beast knows when it is going to die.”

“Who says that? I’ll kill them.”

“Oh so cruel, I like that side of you Keito.”

“Stop joking around, why are you speaking like this all of a sudden?”

“Ah, forgive me, it wasn’t my intention to start a fight over breakfast,” nonchalantly sipping his tea, “I was thinking this morning while I was in the kitchen with my chef, ‘I wonder if this time next year will I still be here? Where would Keito be?’”

“I’ll be right here beside you, idiot.”

“Well I hope that’s not the case if I’m dead, I’d be dust.”

“Then so will I.”

Tension out of nowhere, a brief flash of mild anger in Tenshouin’s eyes, “Do not speak like that. We’ve had this argument many times, you have so much more to do Keito.”

“I’ve found my peace beside you, it’s where I’ve chosen to be.”

“I was born to live a short life, I only have room in my heart for so much,” finding his lover’s hand and squeezing tightly, “Don’t fall complacent when I’m finally gone. You are much more capable of pursuing anything that brings you joy, if you return to art, if you return to other friends, other lovers, then… I can die peacefully.”

“Please stop talking like that you incorrigible fool, I’d rather not think of it, especially while sharing a bed with you,” Hasumi tried not to look as irritated as he felt, having such a heavy conversation after just being awoken. Letting go of their hands, he found himself leaning against Tenshouin again, other hand wrapping itself around Tenshouin’s opposite side.

“I’m sorry my dear Keito, the older I get the more I worry it seems,” running his hands through Hasumi’s hair, “I’m just living on borrowed time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boy i love to suffer and i love to write people talking non stop
> 
>  
> 
> im about to go out of the country for a month so uh  
> sorry idk when next update boy howdy


	12. Chapter 12

Sunshine.

A dull ache in the shoulder.

No one sleeping next to them.

He would have woken up early to cook breakfast for his guest, but Sakuma Rei doesn’t normally wake up before noon. A small blessing of having your rent paid for in return for favors and music. It wasn’t like him to not care about guests staying over, always doing his best to play the host; however, knowing that Hasumi was sleeping over again, Sakuma felt like he didn’t need to do much. Not because of a dislike, but because it felt like it had become a second home for Hasumi. Well, it was also how he welcomed Oogami’s comings and goings as well.

At the very least, sleeping in his small living room was comfortable- partly from the radiating heat from the kotatsu drifting through the futon.

A stretch, rising up, joints popping.

“Ah, I made some food. I wasn’t sure when you would wake up.”

Of course, Sakuma had laid his futon between the kotatsu and the wall, the kotatsu being the only surface you can reliable have a meal over in his meager apartment.

How Hasumi had managed to cook and set up dishes without waking him, must be a miracle - or some kind of skill learned from his buddhist training, right? Sitting directly across the table from him.

“Oh… you didn’t have to Hasumi-kun,” brushing his bed hair back out of his eyes, more curly and ragged before styling.

“You’re right,” scooping some of the contents of his bowl into his mouth, “it’s just ochazuke, don’t feel special.”

“Ah, do not worry, I do not,” fair, it is not like Sakuma to have eggs or fish or breakfast things in his fridge.

Silence as they shared their meal, surprisingly delicious for as surprisingly simple. Maybe it tasted better simply because Hasumi went to the effort for him- a diet of convenience store food can only go so far. Unless it’s their family dinner as a unit, meals eaten in this household tend to not really exist.

“I appreciate you managing to not wake me up Hasumi-kun.”

“I believe you sleep heavier than you realize- but you know Sakuma, you don’t have to sleep out here. It’s your home.”

Shaking his head, “I would rather you be comfortable in your rest than sleep in my room and have you feel distressed.”

“Because you’re sleeping next to me?”

“Well-”

“I wouldn’t have come back here if that was the case.”

If he was still eating there is a good chance Sakuma would have choked on his food.

Nonchalantly ignoring the small sputtering wrought from slightly embarrassing statement, Hasumi continued, “You don’t have a job to go to right? Do you have unit activities today?”

“Ah not exactly… Adonis and Koga both have part time jobs today and Kaoru-kun is… doing something somewhere.”

“I see…” an apprehensive moment of Hasumi wanting to ask something, pondering over his own late breakfast. “If you don’t mind… I would like to go out today and you to accompany me.”

“Oh? Anywhere in particular?”

“Not exactly. I just can’t stand being inside anymore, I think.”

An understanding nod, as Sakuma rose to clean up their dishes. Shuffling around out of pajamas, in and out of showers, hair styling, and general morning routines.

It was not like Hasumi had not seen the sun since everything had happened- moving between his home and the apartment, live venue, convenience stores – but spending an extended period outdoors was something he had been avoiding. Although tabloids had gotten wind of his residence after rumors spread about his relationship with Tenshouin, it had mostly stopped when he first left his home for Sakuma’s.

“Do you feel more comfortable having me join you Hasumi-kun?”

“Slightly, I must admit.”

Having left the apartment and wandering down urban side roads to a small street dotted with shops, cafes and trees. Sakuma knowing his neighborhood, leading them down the quaint road, there was a typically empty park near the end. The pair casually walked that street, taking in the sights with nowhere to be.

“I appreciate you still allowing me in your apartment,” hands delving deeply into his pockets as Hasumi looked anywhere but at Sakuma.

“Honestly, I do hope this is not another attempt at an apology, I will not allow it. We are both to blame. I would not have allowed you back if that were the case.”

Not the response he expected – but what did he expect? To be hated? Staring intently at the ground they were covering Hasumi responded, “The last thing I want is to take advantage of your kindness.”

They had paused a moment to window shop a stationary shop when Sakuma lightly placed his hand on Hasumi’s shoulder, “Honestly, if there is anyone you are worried about apologizing to, maybe consider your unit mates.”

“That… is my next plan.”

“Even if we didn’t speak for years, I was still able to follow Akatsuki due to Kanzaki-kun and Adonis-kun’s close relationship. From what I have gathered, Kanzaki-kun really quite admires you.”

“Yes well…” turning away to urge them to continue to walking on, “I really screwed up Sakuma. I made a fool of myself, I plan to arrange something with Kiryuu where I can meet with them both privately. I hope he can accept my sincerest apologies.”

Crisp soon to be winter air biting at exposed skin on Sakuma’s neck causing him to undo the messy pony tail to seek some coverage before continuing, “You are a man in love, I think someone as passionate as Kanzaki-kun would understand if you speak with him honestly.”

A featureless park meeting them, bridging the gap between this retail to residential space, Sakuma and Hasumi rounded the barrier to find one of many empty benches to take their seats. Sakuma leaving briefly to obtain two drinks from the vending machine for them, settling in to watch passing pedestrians and an occasional car or bicycle.

“Honestly, I don’t know how Kanzaki and Otogari manage.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well… I don’t know. Eichi was too famous, I was worried about ruining his image. I’m sure we missed out on so much.”

Taking an abnormally long drink and thinking carefully about how to continue, “At least to me, Adonis-kun has never expressed any discomfort. Of course, he’s closer with Koga…”

“It’s never affected our audience either. He manages such a broad range of fans that support him in everything he does, some of them even ask after Otogari.”

“Ah how kind, please do thank them for me as his leader~”

“And for some reason Kiryuu is really popular with salarymen. Probably because he always has drinks with them after the shows.”

“Are you worried about Akatsuki’s image?”

“Not… particularly,” Hasumi shifting in his seat in an attempt to corral his thoughts, “We were both happy as things were. There’s nothing I regret, and I’d like to think Eichi felt the same. He would have said something otherwise. But, Akatsuki’s future comes first. They’re like my family, and I want us to continue succeeding like we have been.”

“How admirable, Hasumi-kun,” Sakuma teased, ever so lightly elbowing his friend.

“Thanks, but…” pausing and trying his best to stifle an annoyed sigh.

“Hm? What is it? Speak up, I can’t hear you.”

Hasumi rubbed the back of his head with a rare look of sheepishness, “It is incredibly selfish of me. I am worried about my future happiness. For the first time…”

A somber moment – one shouldn’t laugh – which is exactly what Sakuma does, “Oh Hasumi-kun… how curious. It is your happiness, are you worried about inconveniencing others? You should take care of yourself, since you are the one who has to live with yourself,” a sincere smile offered to his friend sitting next to him.

His friend, whom tried to avoid eye contact until now. “It’s stupid when I say it out loud like that…”

“No, it’s not stupid. I am sure everyone has these kinds of concerns. I for one fought many a self-doubts throughout the years.”

“Even the great Sakuma Rei, huh?”

“Oh, please do not make me sound like some infallible giant, that has been proven untrue many a times.”

Hasumi smiled taking a sip from his drink, one of the many layers of stress that has built up over the months, slowly easing itself away.

The pair sat on that bench for too many hours, watching time and people pass by. Sometimes conversation, sometimes comfortable silence. Catching each other up on their kouhais from school, friends each other had drifted from, remember-whens.

“Ah, speaking of my precious children…” Sakuma squinting at his phone deciphering the typo-ridden message Oogami had sent, “It seems UNDEAD has a new venue to perform for.”

“Huh? What does that have to with our underclassmen?”

“Aha, yes when you kindly interrupted us last night,” shushing a disgruntled comment from Hasumi, “in my great fallacy I drifted apart from my precious twins after graduation. Did you know they are on television? Well, from what Koga tells me, I do not own a TV myself. But it is some type of show people watch! A variety something…?”

“Sakuma… a variety show? Do you know what it entails?”

“Not a thing! From what I understand they will explain it to us the day we film; however, this means UNDEAD will also be able to perform our music for every precious heart my children capture with their broadcast.”

“I see, so you have never seen a variety show then…” Hasumi trying to bury the mischievous glint in his eyes before trying to decide if he should warn Sakuma about what he just signed UNDEAD up for. As moral as his ulterior convictions were, Sakuma would not heed any kind of warning Hasumi offered. ‘You know they do punishment games?’ ‘Ah my children would never~’ and the like; before light bickering followed them on the walk back to the apartment. Stopping in at a bakery to pick up some things for dinner because god knows there was only so much in that kitchen.

Settling into the beginnings of habits, chattering over dinner cleaning dishes, relaxing and lounging about, watching Sakuma work on his new score. Sun setting and lamps switched on at some point, the low lights soothing, it’s incredibly easy to lose track of time when the heater of the kotatsu is switched on.

Eventually, the night’s writing was deemed satisfactory and Sakuma rose to stretch his limbs and crack any joint he could. Interrupting Hasumi’s reading, “Ah, I did not realize how late it was my friend. I think it is time to rest.” An ‘mm’ in agreement, but not looking up from his novel. Stepping back, Sakuma moved to gather up his futon, pulling it into his arms and carrying it back into his bedroom.

Only when he passed Hasumi’s peripheral did his concentration on the text break, almost asking Sakuma what he was doing but stopping himself. If I ask him what he’s doing, it might make for conversation and he’d change his mind. Leaving him to rearrange himself in his bedroom, Hasumi tried to read at least a few more lines, but concentration was already broken. 15 minutes. 30 minutes. Maybe Sakuma had fallen asleep by now, he reasoned as Hasumi moved to find his place in his own leant futon. Curling up under the covers aside his seemingly asleep confidant. A few moments of listening to him breathe before Hasumi tossed and turned a bit trying to find a comfortable spot – glasses placed in an empty spot near the wall.

Settling into the most comfortable position he could, a hand slightly outstretched but careful not to breach the invisible line of Sakuma’s personal space. It was what felt like an eternity, but only a few moments, before Hasumi felt fingers intertwine his. Vision too blurry to make out Sakuma’s face, but a small smile grew on Hasumi’s face that matched his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back binches
> 
> i miss french toast factory and saizeriya and mister donuts


	13. Chapter 13

“Danna… your forehead is touching the ground.”

“I am trying to express my apologies you idiot.”

At least Hasumi could tell himself, the Kanzaki family kept their ground quite clean, even if they were in the place Kanzaki turned into a dojo/practice room. So, there he was, on his knees, bowing as low as he could with his forehead touching the ground in front of Kiryuu Kuro and Kanzaki Souma. Hasumi held that position as Kiryuu shifted uncomfortably in his seat and Kanzaki held a stern stare towards his leader.

“Yeah well, it’s fine by me danna, ya don’t gotta apologize so intensely, I get it.”

“Thank you Kiryuu.”

More silence as Hasumi continued to hold, waiting for some kind of acknowledgment from Kanzaki, that Kanzaki did not give. Looking at the stalemate between is two friends, Kiryuu pulled his hand back and slapped Kanzaki hard on the back. “Forgive him would ya kid, we’ll be here all day.”

Forced to break his stern look, Kanzaki coughed trying to catch his breath after that slap.

“Hasumi-dono -”

Lifting up to meet Kanzaki’s eyes.

“You complete idiot! You! Why did you not talk to us!” Jumping up from his position, tears welling in Kanzaki’s eyes. Chastising his leader, he believed in and cared for so much. “You idiot! We care about you too! You can _convershate_ with us about Tenshouin-sama!”

Hasumi had been taken aback and popped up into a sitting position, and Kiryuu reached over to tug at Kanzaki’s sweater sleeve, “Calm down will ya. You’re too noisy Kanzaki. Yer mom’s gonna come in here hollerin’ if she hears you like this.” Kanzaki nodded and wiped his eyes on the back of his sleeve, returning to sit seiza next to Kiryuu. “Danna, Kanzaki’s right. We will always be here for you-“

“So! So you don’t need to replace us with UNDEAD!”

“Kanzaki-“ Kiryuu growled.

Hasumi had not spoken up through all of this, knowing it would be better to allow Kanzaki to air his grievances, “Is… that what you two think I’m doing?”

“Not exac-“

“Yes! You are always there! Adonis told me you showed back up!”

“Kanzaki you’re getting the wrong idea…”

“Would you calm down Kanzaki, sit back down yer getting too worked up and makin assumptions.”

Pouting like someone much younger than his actual age, Kanzaki rearranged himself back into seiza, “Fine. Go ahead. Tell me Hasumi-dono.”

Exchanging looks with Kiryuu, who nodded his affirmation, Hasumi started, “Kanzaki, I’ve been close with Sakuma since we were kids.” A nod to continue. “We were together a bit during high school.” Another nod. “We were together again after high school.” Nod. “He came to get me back together after Eichi.” Nods. “Kanzaki do you understand what I am saying.”

“You… are very good friends with Sakuma Rei. You spend too much time with him! And not your unit!”

“Kanzaki…”

Hasumi pushed his thumb and fore finger to the bridge of his nose, sighing deeply. Not something he wanted to define any time soon, and honestly considering how long Kanzaki had been involved with Adonis how could he be so dense? Well, two peas in a pod… “Yes Kanzaki, we have also been good friends.” Catching an amused smirk forming on Kiryuu’s face, Hasumi pressed on, “Kanzaki I was involved with Sakuma, for many years. Physically.”

“Physically? You fought him?”

“Kanzaki - !! Romantically! I dated him! Utterly incorrigible.”

“Are you sure?”

“Wh- what do you mean am I sure?! Kanzaki!” But Kanzaki just kept his understanding nodding going, either not wanting to acknowledge or truly not understanding. “You are often with Otogari are you not? Do you think that I believe you are forsaking your unit for the time you spend with him?”  
Pausing to think for a moment, before Kanzaki’s eyes flew open in amazement, “Hasumi-dono! Adonis and I’s relationship is different and special-“

Kiryuu’s turn now, obviously growing fed up with Kanzaki’s dense-ness, fwacking him upside the head, “It’s the same for Sakuma and danna as it is for you and Otogari.

“Oh! Why did you not say so Hasumi-dono?”

“I…” one of the most exasperated sighs Hasumi has let out in a long time, “it’s not really like that. But fine, if you understand. I am sorry Kanzaki, I am sorry I was not capable of leaning on Akatsuki. You two are like family to me. I did not want to burden the unit with my problems. I regret that now, I let it fester inside when I should have spoken with you before returning to the show.”

As soon as there was a brief moment Kanzaki launched himself towards Hasumi, arms ringing around Hasumi’s neck and tears filling his eyes again. Crying out, “I am sorry for being so harsh Hashumi-donooooo it was _uncouf_ of me. Unforgivable!!!” Kanzaki’s wailing only growing as Hasumi tried to break the stranglehold and comfort him. Kiryuu had given up on a calm scene and moved next to the two, rubbing both of them on their heads like the older brother he was.

Screen door to the practice room sliding open, an older woman who was definitely the matriarch of the Kanzaki household, “Are you three doing ok in here? I have some tea and snacks if you want a break.”

“Yes momma, these kids sorted it out. Sorry for all the ruckus,” Kiryuu said smiling up towards Kanzaki’s mother.

* * *

A sneeze.

“Someone is talking about you Rei.”

“I hope not. I have done nothing to warrant it~”

“Don’t give such a mischievous look Sakuma-san.”

The four of UNDEAD were in their usual rented practice room, littered with instruments half of them didn’t use. It came out that they would be able to sing on the Aoi twins’ program, and Sakuma and Oogami made it a point that they wanted to finish their new song in time. Going over verses and hammering out the melody. This time, Oogami recorded his guitar work in advance to join up with the other instrumental music they commissioned. It’s hard work, only two of them playing instruments, resulting in money being tight and choices between new outfits or new music. Luckily, die hard fans do not seem to mind. Especially with how much Otogari has grown, his own following of girls to rival Hakaze. Not that Sakuma or Oogami were any less popular – Oogami could not care less, and Sakuma’s otherworldly air could cause anyone to sway from the other members directly to him.

They did their best not to reuse work they did in high school, but luckily, they had so many performances they were able to recycle choreography without it being noticed. Luckily, since they only had a little bit of time before the show.

“Sakuma-san let’s take a break,” Hakaze whined, sitting down in place. “It’s late, let’s go out for beer.”

“Hakaze-senpai, if you are tired from practice you should go running in the morning with me. You need more stamina.”

“N-no thanks Adonis, my figure is good as it is I don’t need more muscle…”

“It is true if you need more muscle I would have you eat more meat. But you need stamina if you cannot keep up with us,” Otogari wiping the sweat from his forehead with his shirt.

“Oi Adonis, you’re just a demon. You’ll kill Hakaze like that,” Oogami grabbed a water bottle and tossed it to Hakaze, “I’m tired too, it’s about dinner time yeah?”

“Oh, what is this, my children have ganged up on me…” hiding his face to fake tears, Sakuma murmured, “Ok, let us get kebabs. As Adonis-kun would say we should eat protein after working so hard.”

“Yes Sakuma-senpai, you remembered well!” Ah, Otogari’s good nature was so hard to bear some times.

Changing out and packing up their practice gear, Sakuma locked up the room for the night. Some how securing a room they could use for practice at almost any hour in the city was one of his secrets the unit didn’t question (most likely, Oogami believed, it was thanks to his brother.) But having their practices in the city means there was always some where delicious to eat nearby.

Again, Hakaze complained, “Can’t we go sit down at an izakaya somewhere? I want a cold beer~”

“For what? All the hard work you did?” Oogami retorted as they reached their destination, “You kept tripping at the harmony!”

“Hey, it’s been years since we pulled those moves! I’ll remember eventually!”

“Now now,” turning back to those two as Otogari ordered in front of him, “let’s celebrate after the show ok? Besides, I shouldn’t stay out late~” Sakuma hummed.

“Ugh well I’m glad you’re so happy with your kept boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend Kaoru-kun.”

“But he is kept!”

“He can leave when he likes Koga.”

Rejoining them with more sticks of kebabs than he should be carrying including the one he somehow managed to munch on, Otogari tried to chew out a response. “Ya idiot,” Oogami grumbled taking some of the kebabs from his hands, “try now.”

Swallowing his meal, “I said, you should not pester Sakuma-senpai. He is much happier lately; do you not think?”

Sakuma took one of the kebabs from Otogari and happily bit into it, smiling with his eyes towards Hakaze and Oogami who sheepishly rubbed the back of their heads, effectively agreeing with Otogari. The unit stood around, sharing their meal and watching passerby, while chattering about their expectations for the upcoming show. Once the four finished their respective meals, they said their goodbyes, Oogami and Otogari off to their apartment and Hakaze to some unknown destination. Sakuma returned to the shop to purchase a meal for his friend he hoped was still at home.

* * *

It was probably too early to be awake. You would think for someone who slept in a coffin all of high school, they would be a little more contained in their sleep. But, it wasn’t abnormal to find Sakuma spread out and almost rolling into the futon Hasumi claimed, next to him. Oh well, it’s not like Hasumi minded. Sakuma never stirred much when he woke up before him. An excuse to clean up after him, maybe hang some laundry, dust. If he’s being allowed to stay there it was the least he could do. Besides, he came to find that he genuinely liked those moments, when everything in the apartment was settled, and he could curl up under the kotatsu in that small living room, reading one of his books. Sure, he could the same thing at home, but it was a comfort knowing Sakuma was asleep in the other room.

Except today, he had to get back to doing one of his least favorite things… book keeping for Akatsuki. At least he could try to get it done before Sakuma woke, Hasumi told himself while pulling out the ledger and his laptop from his duffle bag. It’s not something he could leave to Kiryuu and Kanzaki – and for as studious as Hasumi looked, math was not his strongest subject; still, he fumbled ahead some how becoming their manager.

“Oya, Hasumi-kun what is this? Already working?” Sakuma had drifted out of the bedroom without Hasumi even noticing, he had always been terrifyingly quiet in step. Passing by and ruffling Hasumi’s hair as he worked.

“I’ve gotta catch up on the payments,” he called to Sakuma, muttering under his breath, ‘I should have never let Kiryuu try to handle this while I was out of commission…’

“Ah that’s so tiresome,” setting down tea for two, Sakuma slid under the warmed kotatsu and curled up like a predatory cat next to Hasumi, leaning his bed head against the other’s shoulders. “It is much too early for that.”

“It’s not early you just oversleep – still. I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“You should try sleeping in sometime Hasumi-kun~ it does wonders for one’s mood.”

“No thanks, someone has to do the chores around here.”

Letting out a whine, Sakuma buried his face in the crook of Hasumi’s neck, wrapping arms around his waist, “I do the house work too before you came… just on my own schedule…”

“Right,” Hasumi murmured while tapping away at the keyboard, not pushing Sakuma back, “could you stop squirming I’m trying to work.” Sakuma releasing his hold and leaning back against Hasumi’s shoulder, who reached up with his hand to lightly pat Sakuma’s head as if saying ‘there, there.’

“I have to take my leave for unit practice soon, anyhow. But… it’s cold and you are warm.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here when you come back.”

“Let me play hokey Hasumi-kun~”

“Absolutely not,” still not breaking eye contact with his laptop, “Do not let your unit suffer. Your show is soon, is it not?”

Sighing and resigning himself to getting up and changing, Sakuma pulled himself out from under the warm futon.

“You have less than a week left!” Hasumi called after him as Sakuma maneuvered back to the bedroom. “You’ll thank me!” Followed by a, ‘he’s still a brat Eichi. I really do have a type…’ under his breath.

* * *

“The four of you can use this as a dressing room. I apologize we don’t have individual rooms, that will be ok, right?”

Taking the PA’s hand in his, Sakuma smiled with that predacious glint in his eyes, “Please do not worry about us my dear, we four have seen worse things than having to share a room.”

Direct contact making the poor assistant stutter as the four passed by her into their designated room, Hakaze stopping to pat her on the shoulder, “don’t worry too much about Sakuma-san, we won’t eat you up – today.”

“OI SHITTY FLIRT KNOCK IT OFF AND GET IN HERE!” Oogami howled from the dressing room, dropping their bags, as Otogari moved to hang up their unit jackets. Door finally closing as they began to delve into their bags, one quick performance check before the show stars.

With no regard for their personal comfort, the door to their changing room swings open – Oogami yipping, Otogari oblivious, Hakaze wondering if he would get to show off for that PA after all, but it was Sakuma to realize it was the Aoi Twins bounding in towards them.

“Sakuma-senpai – “

“Oogami-senpai – “

“Ah, my lovely children” Sakuma cooed, opening his arms to receive both of them – already having changed into his uniform before the doors had swung open. Each twin on either side of him, wrapping their arms around him in the tightest hug they could. Aoi Hinata and Yuta had grown a bit, but they were still short enough that Sakuma could ruffle their hair. Still, just as cute and precious to him as if he had only just seen them yesterday. Bending down a bit to their level, Sakuma kept his hands cradling the back of each twin’s head – pulling them closer to him and all three resting their foreheads together. “Forgive me, my precious children. I am so sorry I did not stay in contact with you. Can you forgive this old man?”

“What is this!!” The blue twin yelled, slightly red in the face.

“A real heart to heart confession!!” the pink twin echoed.

“Fuwaaa! We’ve been attacked! It’s bad aniki!”

“Real bad! Sakuma-senpai still knows our weak point!”

“Our hearts!!!”

“God you two are still two damn noisy, stop encouraging them Rei!”

“Oooo Oogami-senpai is all bark and no bite~”

“No bite, just like the puppy he is!”

“I swear to – “

“Oogami.” A firm, tanned hand gripped Oogami’s shoulder, preventing him from running after the twins, who had already taken to hiding behind Sakuma.

“Adonis-senpai!” at this point it was difficult to discern which was talking, “we’re so glad you could do this!”

“You’re going to be amazing!” compliments from the twins making the usually stoic Otogari look slightly bashful.

“Ah Sakuma-san, is this what it means to be youthful?” Hakaze now joining the crowd, the last to finish changing. Stretching his arms as if it’s been years since his worn this jacket. “I hate to interrupt such a fun reunion~ but shouldn’t we do our mic and light test? Otherwise I worry about your show quality Aoi Twins~”

“Right, right!” Yelled Aoi Yuta, taking Sakuma by the arm.

Aoi Hinata leading the charge and calling back to his brother, dragging them along, “Adonis-senpai and Oogami-senpai come often. But we want to show off our stage to you!”

“Look at how far we’ve come!”


End file.
